S11 EP4 - Personal stories: Audio automatically transcribed by Sonix

S11 EP4 - Personal stories: this mp3 audio file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.

Intro/Outro:
Hi, I'm Kristyn Hodgdon, an IVF mom, proud women's health advocate, and co-founder of Rescripted. Welcome to From First Period to Last Period, a science-backed health and wellness podcast dedicated to shining a light on all of the women's health topics that have long been considered taboo. From UTIs to endometriosis, we're amplifying women's needs and voices because we know there's so much more to the female experience than what happens at the doctor's office. With From First Period to Last Period, we're doing the legwork on your whole body so you can be the expert in you. Now, let's dive in.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Hi everyone! Welcome back to From First Period to Last Period. I'm your host, Kristyn, and I am thrilled to be here today with my co-founder, Abby Mercado, a Rescripted, and our VP of partnerships, Jacqueline Solivan. Hi, guys.

Abby Mercado:
Hi.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
So this season, we've been talking all about maternal mental health, warning signs of postpartum mental health conditions, partum sex, birth trauma, you name it, and even how to prepare your mental health for motherhood if you're trying to conceive. But today, we want to dive into the nitty-gritty of what we weren't told about becoming moms in the beginning, from, we all had difficult journeys to parenthood, and still, there are so many things we wish we had known. So excited to chat with you both. So, I guess let's start off by just jumping into what we wish we could. What's the one thing that you wish you had known about, specifically postpartum mental health, before giving birth?

Abby Mercado:
I guess I'll chime in here. So, I think that the one thing that I wish I had known was that mental health conditions don't always show themselves postpartum. Then, they can show themselves during the pregnancy. So I didn't know that. I didn't realize that at this point. I've had two trying physical pregnancies, and I've had mental health conditions during them. But everything has been easy postpartum with regard to mental health. So that was something I didn't realize that there's such a thing as prenatal depression or perinatal depression, which covers which encompasses prenatal and postpartum. But mental health conditions can affect you while you're carrying, and it's so hard for your body, but it's also so hard for you mentally. So that's probably the one thing I wish I had known about postpartum.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Really good way to kick things off. Actually, in our last episode, we were talking with an ob-gyn about medication. Like the number one point, she wanted to drive home. Was that, like, it's okay to stay on your medication during pregnancy? Most likely. Obviously, talk to your healthcare provider about it. But I know that with my first pregnancy, I had some perinatal depression. I was so sick that I felt like the other shoe was going to drop because I had just had a long infertility journey. I felt like I couldn't tell anyone about my pregnancy; I just was not my usual self at all, and I ended up going on Zoloft postpartum for postpartum anxiety, which is a whole other story. But this pregnancy, I am like so much more or less anxious, I should say, because I'm medicated.

Abby Mercado:
As on a generalized anxiety disorder, I've been on lots of probes for ten years now, and there was no chance in hell I was going off Lexapro during either of my pregnancies, so it helped. But I think what I did differently this pregnancy, I'm almost 33 weeks pregnant with a singleton, and I saw it in addition to being medicated or staying medicated, I sought treatment from a therapist during my first trimester, and that helped. So, I didn't do that during my twin pregnancy because it was more self-diagnosed. I think after the fact, I was like, oh, it was not right, but the feelings weren't normal. And so, I was very specific about how I just wanted to treat myself and be kinder to myself during this pregnancy.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
I've also been on such a tear. I'm two days away from finishing my first trimester. I'm like on such a tear about just how it's such BS that, like, we as women feel like we need to hide our pregnancies until 13 weeks or 12 weeks or whatever it is because of the stigma of miscarriage and being afraid to share bad news. And I feel like that adds to the weight of it all in so many ways because you're already not feeling great, and you're nervous about the possible outcome. You're all of the things, and it's the time that you need probably the most support, and you don't feel like you have that support. And it's just really, you know, I feel like I've been pregnant forever, and I just was able to tell everyone.

Abby Mercado:
I feel like the only time when I felt well during this pregnancy was in my second trimester, and now I feel horrible being like 32 weeks. My body doesn't feel right. But in the first trimester, when you feel so horrible, there is no telling how much longer. Do I have hyperemesis? Am I going to be sick throughout this pregnancy? So, I think there's a lot of anxiety that comes along with just the first trimester in general.

Jacqueline Solivan:
Yeah, I was going to say as you two were speaking, I was trying to figure out where my stress peaked, but it was a bunch of, that's my story. It was just so unique, right? Like you both, it took a long time to get pregnant. So, I suffered from a ton of miscarriages before actually getting pregnant with both girls. And then, with both of my daughters, I had Hyperemesis. Kennedy, I threw up until the day I gave birth, and I, there was never a moment where I didn't feel isolated or alone during my pregnancy, because how could I explain every single day? I'm so afraid of losing this baby again, and every day was like a countdown. Every trimester felt great, but it wasn't until I hit, I think, week 30 with K that I was like, probably both girls, but that I was like, okay if I go into labor now, it would still be preterm. But I feel like the odds are in my favor where the baby would be okay and survive. But to go 30 weeks like that, when leading up to that, I miscarried. Leading up to that, it was period after period. And with Kennedy, like I was, I was throwing up so hard, like I was in my third trimester. I'll never forget Jack was working, I threw up, and I started bleeding, and I was like, Holy, freaked out, and he was about an hour and a half away. I think I called my mom, and that goes down in history as the most stressful, scary day ever. So, I had all of that during my pregnancy. So, to Abby's point, I was stressed out throughout my pregnancy, and afterward, I was a different beast, right, for me. The afterward was honestly breastfeeding, and Kennedy was born in the heyday of social media, Instagram moms, and all that and complained about the comparison game of wow, so and so is out of the park with her boob hanging out, breastfeeding, and she looks so peaceful. And I was like, that's not what's happening here. That is not my reality at all. So, it is a personal issue. Talk to your therapist about that, Jac. You shouldn't be comparing yourself at this age like it's social media. But it was the heyday of it, and it seemed like that was a lot of people's reality. And I was, but that was not my reality. I didn't look that put together. I wasn't in the mood to go out for a walk. I just was not in the same boat as a lot of the little squares I saw on Instagram, and that was very heavy on me. I was feeling heavy and admitting that it was a heavy feeling. I got a lot of backlash. And if you go on my Instagram, like there was a time when I spoke about what I probably before was diagnosed with postpartum depression. And there are at least five comments there where women are telling me, like, you should be thankful you have a baby now. You always wanted this. Like, why are you complaining now? And wait, I can't be sad. I love the person so much, but the two feelings can coexist. I'm also really bent out of shape and stressed out, and I want to cry every day, but I'm so happy and thankful that this human being exists and that I know more about my journey than anyone.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
There is such an added layer when you go through infertility and loss like such an added layer, and I, like, even when my twins were here and healthy, I was like waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was like, something's gotta go wrong. I just was. And I also didn't have that. This is how I knew I had postpartum anxiety. I didn't realize it was OCD at the time, too, but I didn't have that connection with them that as you said on social media, everyone's like the minute they give birth, they're like rosy cheeked with their baby in their arms, and yeah, looking photogenic. And I had a traumatic birth. And my parents, I think, met my babies before me because I was passed out and incoherent. It just was so not the experience that on social media, I do think things have come a long way in the five, six years since our kids were born, but which is a great thing. But yeah, it was not like that at that time, even just two years ago.

Abby Mercado:
I feel like social media really did not help me postpartum because I think about how much downtime you have.

Jacqueline Solivan:
Oh, yeah.

Abby Mercado:
You're sitting there feeding, you're rocking, you're reading, you're singing. You're like putting to bed. There is a lot of downtime just scrolling your phone. So my goal postpartum this time is not to spend as much time on social media because it's so easy to compare yourself.

Jacqueline Solivan:
I also think I felt like I needed to be far more productive than I should have been. Like I should have just rested, and I think had I allowed myself or given myself the grace and permission to rest postpartum, like, truly rest like I'm talking like binge TV, etc., I probably would have spent less time on social media because they would have been okay to just binge four straight seasons while I have a baby on my chest, but I felt like I needed to be productive. I felt like I needed to be doing more when, in fact, for the last and all of our cases, right? Like I was going through stuff before even being pregnant. My body was changing every single day for nearly a year because I was on medication. All this stuff like, just relax, give yourself some grace, Jac. And I definitely didn't. And I think that's what made me get so caught up in everyone else's story and what everyone else was doing.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Were you able to do it the second time around?

Jacqueline Solivan:
Yes, after Emerson was born. So, I was one of those IG moms when my oldest was born. Kennedy. When Emerson was born, I don't think I even knew my social life was just nowhere near where it used to be because I was just so much more present with her. I know myself, I want the blinders on, I want the blockers on. This is my life, and this current chapter right now is selfish in regards to my limited time. My babies are only going to be this small for so long. The time I'm not spending at work, I'm truly spending with my family and all my heart.

Abby Mercado:
And are you with the second one? It's you know how fast it goes.

Jacqueline Solivan:
I wasn't sure if she would be on my lap, but now I've decided she is. I feel extra present now, like this time will never come back.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
I think that's why I wanted a third because I only, like it, when we were in the trenches of our recent IVF journey and had a miscarriage. I wasn't sure if I was going to try again. People were like, you have two, you have a boy and a girl. You're so lucky. And I'm like, I know that. And if this doesn't work out, I'm more than happy with what I have. But, like, just being able to do that the pregnancy a second time and like knowing what I know now, it's still scary, but just being able to be a little bit wiser and I don't know, just like almost like not to get a do-over, but realize the warning signs, even. Through this whole mini-season of this podcast, I've just been refamiliarizing myself with all the different warning signs. And you said it's like hindsight's 2020, it's almost, oh yeah, I experienced all of that, but why didn't I know it at the time?

Jacqueline Solivan:
And I also, I feel like all of us have mentioned it already, but like the audacity that people have and like the fact that people think they can tell you how to feel is mind blowing to me. As opposed to just leading with empathy, let me feel my feelings. They are very valid. So I think that's also the second time around. I didn't surround myself with as many people because I didn't want those opinions. I felt very secure, as if my feelings were valid. So, I'm just gonna cut all the noise out.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Yeah, absolutely. So when it did come to postpartum, were there any symptoms that tipped you off that something was wrong when it came to your mental health?

Jacqueline Solivan:
Yeah, with Emerson, I cried in the doctor's office like her third-month appointment. The doctor was like, how are you? And I by default, it's like a human, as a woman, I was like, I'm fine, everything's going great. I have a baby. And then all of a sudden I started crying and I was like, I'm not okay. I was up for 24 hours, and everybody went to bed, and no one brought me a cup of water, and it was either get up for a cup of water or wake the baby up. And I was like, I just like verbal diarrhea. And the doctor was like, Mom, stop breastfeeding, then just try to stop breastfeeding. And I was like, wait, what? And he just stopped. What good are you if you're this, like, bent out of shape and not getting water in the middle of the night? I was like, I just felt like I needed to, I wanted to I didn't have that experience with Kennedy and I wanted it the second time around. But the doc for a doctor to say that felt so validating, and yeah, it was the pediatrician. Yeah.

Abby Mercado:
So, I know pediatricians are trained to now spot postpartum depression.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
So that's exactly how it went down with me. That's exactly how it went down with me. I had no idea. I was afraid to even get in the car with my kids by myself because I was having really scary thoughts. What if I crash the car with them in it? But it was like difficult to discern whether it was like, this is super scary to say out loud, but whether I was like, afraid of it happening or if you get like that, you hear the stories of people having postpartum psychosis. And, like, when you start having those thoughts, you're like, could that be me? That's really scary. And I knew that I didn't want to hurt my kids, but, like, when you start having those thoughts, you're like, I feel like I'm not in control of my mind right now. And then it was their eight-week appointment, I think, and they gave me that survey at the pediatrician, and my pediatrician was like, call your OB right now. And he literally called me back while I was still there, she answered the call, and he prescribed me medication on the spot.

Abby Mercado:
The Edinburg survey, right?

Kristyn Hodgdon:
I think so, yeah. But it was like that paired with just like her knowing right away, after decades of being a pediatrician, she knew what was going on. She was like, and just the validation of you need to be okay. You need to go on medication. Because before that, I was very medication-averse. Like, I've always had anxiety, but I was always like, I don't want to be on anything. I don't want to alter my personality or whatever, like the things we tell ourselves. But at that point, it was like, no, you have two little humans to take care of. You need to go on.

Abby Mercado:
I'm curious: did you talk to Dan about your feelings?

Kristyn Hodgdon:
I did, and he was totally supportive, but I just feel like he couldn't understand it because he had never been through it. He was like, you're not going to hurt our kids. And I'm like, no, I don't want to, but I'm scared to be alone with them because I'm having these scary thoughts, but definitely go back and listen to, I think it was the first episode of this season because I speak with the therapist about just the difference between postpartum anxiety and OCD, and also the difference between baby blues and postpartum depression, because it's a kind of an important distinction. I didn't realize that, yes, I had postpartum anxiety, but those impulsive thoughts that were intrusive were actually postpartum OCD, and that's not something that's like really widely spoken about.

Abby Mercado:
Yeah. I just wonder, what are we doing to educate partners on spotting postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety? Like anything mental health-wise, that's happening during the perinatal experience. I was just mad. Like, we run a women's health media company. Like, when have we ever talked about that? ...

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Yeah, I was just mad in general that no one had warned me, even like my fertility doctor, that IVF, infertility, and even twin pregnancy increase your risk of postpartum mental health conditions and perinatal mental health conditions. And because you always think it was not going to happen to me, I feel fine. And then I don't know, I just wish because if he would have heard that in the doctor's office.

Abby Mercado:
I just go back to. So one of my friends, I recently ran into her husband on the playground, and all of our kids were there or whatever. And he was, and this woman, this friend of mine, has a history of postpartum depression. And he was like, yeah, like she said, she's joking that she was going to, that I should take the kids and she's going to leave and like stuff like that. And I was like, that's not okay. First of all, she doesn't mean that. Second of all, that is postpartum depression. What are you doing about this? What is your next step? Because she probably cannot see it as clearly in herself as you can see it in her. And no, she's not being like a crazy woman. She has an illness. So that really actually angered me to hear this from this guy. I have to think that we need to dive into more education for the partner. But Jac will brainstorm on that.

Jacqueline Solivan:
I just to piggyback off of that, I think it even to the earlier point, like so many people will tell you, you have so many things to be happy about and oh, sure I am. And that's what I think is scary, is I feel like women are, for the most part, vocal about it, and it gets written off as, oh, she's being crazy, or oh, she's being this or oh, you're being dramatic. And no, I'm actually telling you, I don't feel good. And it is really scary because I don't, to your point, a person like this doesn't feel normal, but I also am exhausted because I have a newborn child, so I can't articulate what I'm feeling. So please help me. I know many times I feel like folks try to tell me that I should just be happy. Like you've got the baby, you always want it, and it's so happy. But guys, I'm like losing my actual brain right now.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
And it's always, even now, I finally announced my pregnancy, and like someone the other day was like. Oh, like that would make me nervous. Until the anatomy scan at 20 weeks, and I'm like, am I supposed to be, like, literally in the hospital bed giving birth before I tell anyone I'm pregnant? I just, I don't.

Abby Mercado:
It's not helpful.

Jacqueline Solivan:
I have a full-blown baby bump; like your comments aren't helpful.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Also, I want to share baby names with my parents and we're like, literally don't say anything. Just say cool. Yeah, okay, they aren't needed here.

Jacqueline Solivan:
It's also, I think, after one, I don't know finally with Kennedy when that pregnancy held, but one of my best friends was like I was afraid to tell people whatever 13, 14 weeks. And she said, Jac, if so, God forbid, something happens again, don't you want people there for you? Those same people that honestly changed how I thought of it. And also, once I started becoming more open with miscarriages, the number of women that were like, wow, I wish I had someone to talk to because so many of us, unfortunately, have to suffer in silence. And it's true. We did something God forbid bad was to happen. Am I supposed to deal with this by myself? No. I want my village there. I want my circle there. My people, I need it.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
That's why community is so important. Because even now, entering my second trimester, I'm having trouble grasping that it's real after such a long journey. And I feel like the only people I really want to text about it are people who have been pregnant after loss because you don't really get it until you get it, unfortunately, but everyone does. I'm so excited for you. And I'm like, I'm excited, but just hold your breath a little bit and just super complicated but I also at the same time want to celebrate it. So it's like very just complex. So, in your pregnancy or postpartum mental health journeys, what kind of resources? Speaking of community, did you guys find the most helpful whether it's therapy or social media or whatever it might be?

Jacqueline Solivan:
Yeah.

Abby Mercado:
Therapy for me, for sure. That was fantastic.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
I highly recommend another ten. And specifically, someone who knows postpartum or perinatal, or maternal mental health because it is such like a specialty.

Abby Mercado:
Yeah. I think one kind of fun hack that I found was. So I knew OB practices spread this pregnancy versus my twin pregnancy, and the practice is integrated. Basically, I didn't have to pay out of pocket for mental health support. That was something that was provided by my OB team. They just had somebody on staff, which is how I wish the world was. So I would encourage anyone who is listening to this podcast to seek physical care, physical maternal care with a practice that practices integrated health, so the mental and the physical are connected. That was awesome. And then I read a bunch of articles. I was on Google for what it's for what it's worth, and I actually really did find some solace. And Reddit communities were joking about how we are on Reddit all the time now that Google's used them in the search results. And honestly, I think it's a great, authentic platform. It's a great way to find community during pregnancy. And talking to friends and family.

Jacqueline Solivan:
I struggle with Kennedy. I was just honestly, there was nothing there. I just felt very isolated in that pregnancy. Just straight up, I don't know what could have been done differently. That was a very isolating pregnancy with Emerson. I think at that point, I was just far more vocal. I'd been vocal about previous losses, and I had this, it sounds wild, but I had an incredible IG community at the time, and it was me being there for what? While I was pregnant with Emerson, I must have been at least 30 times. I was the first person someone was telling me was pregnant. They were sharing the news with me before sharing it with their family because they felt like a safe space and it created community, but it also kept my mind off of things, if that makes sense. And I was just a lot more confident and secure in the decisions I was making. I had been a mom already for, at that time, three and a half years. I just locked out the outside noise, and the Abbot guides with Kennedy was scary. I was very isolated, and that's the one thing I don't. If you were isolated, I don't I don't know what I could have done differently. I don't know where I could have got my community at that point because it was really dark. I think at that point, it probably would have been speaking to Michael Ruby, but I don't think I realized I was isolated until talking about it afterward, like when you're my pain was not there. I was trying to just stay pregnant. I was sick all the time.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
I'm actually not realizing how isolated I was until right now either. Oh no, I was like the first right this minute. I was the first of all my friends to have a baby pretty much.

Jacqueline Solivan:
Got it.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
So that was like the thing, too. So it wasn't like, now I have a bunch of mom friends where it's like, oh yeah, I totally get that postpartum period. Like here for you. You want to go for a walk or whatever. I didn't have that. And both my parents were still working. My husband went back to work after a couple of weeks. It was like, then you're like we said earlier, like literally sitting there with a baby that sleeps all the time and you're just like in your own head. And it's not good to be in your own head now.

Jacqueline Solivan:
And I had hyperemesis, so I would like people would ask me, how are you doing? And I would say my response was always sick. And then people, oh, that's just pregnancy, or oh, you should be thankful you're finally pregnant. You wished for this. And I was like, no, I'm sick. But everyone kept comparing and saying everyone's sick during pregnancy. And I'm like, oh, we'll go back to when I had my period, and it was really heavy. So I have endometriosis and everyone says, it's your period, it should be this way. And I was like, wait.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
That is a factor, too. Like the sickness and not feeling good because I think we all are pretty social people. And I definitely, the past couple weeks, have not been like my normal, like making plans myself because I'm like, I don't know how I'm going to feel. I just don't feel like in that socialization mood, and it like brings you down a little because if you do get your social battery from other people or you do get recharged by other people, it can just make you feel, even if you don't have any sort of mental health condition, just not your normal.

Jacqueline Solivan:
Yeah, I was on bed rest. I lost 15 pounds the first trimester because I, like, yeah, I could not hold anything down. I was hospitalized with both girls because I was so sick. I was throwing everything up, and when it wasn't food, it was just like. I was still not this horrible, was very isolated. And it wasn't until this moment that I realized how isolated I was.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
At the moment, yeah. Like now I'm like, I know it's so funny because whenever I tell a new person in my life, my whole story about infertility to birth my twins, beyond hemorrhaging, bed rest, and living in the hospital.

Abby Mercado:
And it's like, are you normal? And they're like, well, yeah.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
For some reason, I think as moms, it's like our first test as moms, where you put them before yourself, and you're just like, oh, I have to be fine. I remember I lived in the hospital for 31 nights during my pregnancy because I was on hospital bed rest. I had normally been a very emotional person, but I was so stoic, and I didn't realize why. But I was just trying to hold it together so hard because I didn't want my babies to come early. And then after I think like that cascaded into the postpartum because it was like this woosh, my babies are here. Now, what's next? What could go wrong next? But this pregnancy? I'm trying to think I saw something actually on Reddit yesterday talking about miscarriage, probability, and all that stuff. Like, I'm still googling that, I don't know, but it was like there's always going to be a 1% chance of anything happening in life.

Abby Mercado:
Struck by lightning.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Yeah, exactly. So it's to worry about what's that saying? Anxiety is like worrying about things twice, once before, and once when it actually happens. If it happens, but it's not really worth it, but you also can't tell me not to worry. So it's just all.

Jacqueline Solivan:
Complicated ... cases unite.

Abby Mercado:
Maybe we're not okay. It's okay to not be okay.

Jacqueline Solivan:
It sounds okay to not be okay, yeah.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Yeah, that's the moral of the story. I think really the number one point I would make is you don't have to be happy all the time.

Abby Mercado:
No one's okay.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Finally, getting your wish of being pregnant or being a mom. This is hard.

Jacqueline Solivan:
Yeah, and I think it gets lost in translation sometimes if I'm venting or being honest and expressing myself and letting go of these feelings that aren't so positive that, again, the two feelings can coexist, right? I have to be able to let that go so that I can make room for a full cup. I can't hold on to all of this, and I think it gets lost sometimes. Oh, the naggy complaining mom or what? And no, you're hearing what you want to hear. I also like loving up on my kids and taking care of them and all that, but it's hard. It's a lot of work. And truly, I say that all the time. Folks are like, make time for yourself, Jac. And I'm like, okay, but I have two people, like little humans, I have to take care of. They can't, I have to take care of them first. There's no way to spin it. And we all have really supportive partners and husbands. But even with that, I don't know there. I can't put it into words. I have to take care of my child first, so it's not possible. It's not as easy as it seems. I think sometimes you should put yourself first or take care of yourself. I signed up for Orangetheory Fitness three different times, and one kid got hand-foot-mouth, and another kid got. I had a kid with pneumonia right now, like I was supposed to be doing things this week, and I have a kid with pneumonia, like. Things happen. So life happens, and I don't know. Life of a mom like ..., can't you get my words out.

Abby Mercado:
It's a good point. Ladies who are about 25 and looking for a male partner should look for a good daddy.

Jacqueline Solivan:
Yeah, yeah.

Abby Mercado:
Prioritize that. Does he have a good job? Is he handsome? Guys have chemistry. Will he be a good dad?

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Yeah, I like actually shiver sometimes when I think about.

Abby Mercado:
Could I done so wrong?

Kristyn Hodgdon:
It could have gone way worse. Knowing how much time you spend with your partner and how much of your life involves them and you making decisions together is the most important decision you will ever make.

Abby Mercado:
It's an important decision you make.

Jacqueline Solivan:
Yeah, I am curious, though, about what you do for yourself because I'm hearing myself, and I think if someone were to hear me, they could very easily say, we'll make time for yourself, but it almost feels like a luxury self-care at times. It is a luxury, right? Depending on how you look at. So what's something small scale that you could do that, like, I don't have the time to go out right now or, and let's say someone doesn't have the money to go out? What is what can self-care look like for a single mom or someone with a kid at home?

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Like, for me it's always been working out. But then I think, like, I've always worked out at home since I've been a mom because, like, I realized early on that it's something I love, and it's a non-negotiable for me, but it's also really hard to leave the house, get in the car, drive to a workout class, do an hour class, drive home, and shower. That's a two-hour ordeal. So, like doing a 30-minute workout during a nap or while they're watching TV. Like, I don't feel guilty about that. But I also realized in the past year, when I was on my sort of, like, holistic fertility journey, that maybe I was, like, overdoing it. And not every time, not my 30 minutes of free time every day doesn't have to be me getting a workout in. It was like I wasn't doing other things that filled my cup because I was like, I have to get my workout in. So I like it's like finding the balance.

Jacqueline Solivan:
Yeah, I think that's like my biggest struggle right now is finding balance. And I have almost seven and almost three year old's back to expectations. It's when you think you figured it out, something else happened. Being able to adapt and like pivot etc. That's where I'm at right now. And I think I dropped it in the Slack channel a million times as of recently. I can't figure out a system that works for this stage in life right now.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
It's really hard. I'm too soft finding balance is true self-care.

Jacqueline Solivan:
Yeah.

Abby Mercado:
I'm Rieken, an extroverted introvert. For me, it's that I love people. Most people think I'm an extrovert, but deep down, I am an introvert. So I feel like I get caught up in every week, as it should be. Finding balance, and especially as a mom of young kids and as a mom who will be postpartum soon, it's just, yeah, the balance is hard.

Jacqueline Solivan:
Yeah, but don't hesitate to ask for help, either. I've gotten better at that. But it's sometimes hard when you're used to doing everything for yourself.

Abby Mercado:
I think you bring up a good point, Jac. What are easy things that you can do to show other postpartum moms that you see them? So what about the single-mom meal? Meal trains are so easy. So easy. Like all of the meal trains. Like, what else would you give us postpartum mom that is inexpensive, easy, and empathetic?

Jacqueline Solivan:
I'm with you. Grubhub, if someone has a baby, my go-to now is Grubhub. And it's been super clutch. I think I sent you a text message. Abby, my cousin recently had a baby, but a month before the baby was here, I gave her a box of the baby formula that I had left over. She texted me, and she was like, thank you so much because she was stressed out about breastfeeding. And here she had this can of formula that allowed her to supplement, get rest, and make her feel like her baby was fed. The label and the ingredients were good. It was something for me, really small, but for her, she was like, they gave me such peace of mind. Her husband was like, thank you for the food because there was no version of us cooking straight from the hospital. Honestly, a good towel is something that has been a go-to gift of mine lately, too. I read somewhere that can't get to a spa. Get a spa towel.

Abby Mercado:
I so love it. I have been so refreshed by this pregnancy. So we did not think that we woke up one, this one's turned four. We're like, oh, we should have a third kid, but we don't have any like baby stuff at all. Nothing. So I sent an email out to all my friends, and I basically just got a lot of stuff. I feel like, as moms, we stress out so much about the stuff. I think it affected my mental health postpartum. So like, the stuff doesn't have to be perfect part of the stuff. Get it on Facebook Marketplace. Don't stress yourself out about the stuff.

Jacqueline Solivan:
Yeah, yeah. That's actually a really good point. You don't really. The baby doesn't need that much stuff. I feel like we talk about that a lot, too.

Abby Mercado:
But food, sleep. Get back to basics. The mom economy is so crazy. Get sucked in by the mom economy. It just makes you just compare. And that's not what we should be doing. Let's focus on ourselves and focus on the baby.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Yeah. So, if we could rescript before we wrap up the way people think about maternal mental health, would it just be like, it's okay not to be okay? Don't believe everything on social media. Give yourself a break.

Jacqueline Solivan:
Yeah. The baby doesn't need that much stuff.

Abby Mercado:
Also, I keep going back to; I'm just stuck on something that Jac said because I thought it was so brilliant. Stop giving your opinion. Get your opinions out of here. It's a hard time. And instead of opining, ask how you can be supportive.

Jacqueline Solivan:
Yeah. I think, sorry, I know we're wrapping, but to piggyback off of those boundaries was something I really had to learn. You have to set boundaries. Grandparents. Aunts. Uncles. Cousins. Friends. You have to protect yourself. And this is like this nuclear that you are creating this your own family. And I think the sooner that you create those boundaries, the sooner folks start, like adhering to them. And life just gets a lot better when all that noise gets cuts out and people realize, I'm going to do this the way I want to do it, I think there's a lot of notes in this podcast for like the support system too, which is great.

Kristyn Hodgdon:
Absolutely, I love that. Thank you both for joining. I think this is a really awesome conversation and just so real. Hopefully, we'll help other moms in the trenches. So thank you.

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