Friendship is Good for Our Health. So Why Don't We Treat it That Way?

It’s impossible to do it all. Can we just agree on that, first off? 

Between work commitments, family obligations, preparing food, staying on top of your fitness routine, maintaining romantic relationships, going to therapy, implementing self-care practices, and nurturing our friendships… well, there simply aren’t enough hours in the day. And what does that mean? It means we have to let some of it go. And what does our culture tell us we need to neglect? The things are non-essential, and, in many cases, friendship feels like the least 'productive' use of our time.

And so we let it go. We replace long brunches with occasional text check-ins. We joke about how adulthood means scheduling a friend date months in advance. We glorify the act of cancelling plans in the name of self-care, or maybe self-preservation. We don’t mean to slip into the role of absentee friend, but we don’t feel like we have much choice in the matter. After all, our world tells us the necessary stuff has to come first — the money-making, the step-taking, the food-making. The frivolous stuff (like, according to our cultural ideas, friendship) are the things we squeeze in along the fringes of everything else.

But does it have to be that way?

And, more improtantly, should it be that way? We prioritize things like workouts, going to therapy, and meal-prepping healthy foods because those are things that affect our health and well-being. So we do our best to incorporate those practices into our day-to-day, and we view them as worthwhile investments in to our future.

Friendship is too, though

Here’s the thing, though: Friendship also has well-established health benefits. Having few or no friends has mental health implications, like an increased risk of depression. And that’s not just an idea, it’s backed by multiple studies.

There are physical health implications as well: Having few or no friends is associated with earlier mortality — it can shave more time off your life than smoking 20 cigarettes a day, according to research. Connecting with a trusted friend can lower a person’s blood pressure reactivity. According to information via the Mayo Clinic, adults with strong social connections are more likely to adopt healthy habits and maintain a healthy weight.

So yes. The writing is on the wall. Friendship is good for you. So what is we started viewing the work of making and keeping friends as worthwhile investments in our health as opposed to frivolous leisure time?

In the United States, this reframe could be especially powerful

In the United States, friendship feels exceedingly deprioritized. While traveling in Europe, I noticed how much more time people spent socializing. During lunch breaks, they’d enjoy long, lively meals at local restaurants before heading back to work. And when I look at my own Indian culture, I see so much more emphasis placed on community-building and social connection. Rather than viewing meeting a friend for lunch as a luxury or waste of time, it’s seen as an essential part of life. 

The lack of community in the United States is becoming a real public health concern. Need proof? Former US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy put out an advisory on what he deemed an epidemic of loneliness and isolation. 

We know that social connection is lacking in our society, and we also know that friendship isn’t just fun, it’s also a force capable of improving our collective health. What we still need to do, though, is figure out a way to fit friendship in — and what if that comes down to a simple narrative shift?

The permission to socialize

We if we looked at avenues for friendship the same way we look at hitting up a spin class, scheduling a doctor’s appointment, or investing in organic produce?

What if we looked at coffee with a new neighbor, dinner with a group of friends, and a lunch date with a co-worker as productive ways to spend time, rather than purely leisure-based activities?

Maybe then we’d be able to better justify this time spent, and less likely to skimp on social moments.

Of course, a narrative shift doesn’t solve everything

We are all busy and overscheduled, and struggling to make those wellness endeavors (like cooking healthy meals and moving our bodies) fit into our already packed schedules. 

So maybe the key here is incorporating friendship where we can. Maybe it’s meeting a friend for a teleworking date, or a long walk, or a home-cooked meal you prepare together. Or maybe it is just vegging out on the couch or going out for dinner together. The point is, we don’t need to feel guilty for doing those things or prioritizing them over the other things we do in the name of health (yes, even sleep!). 

Ultimately, friendship is healthy and fun, but it's also work

We won't sugarcoat it: Making and keeping friends requires real effort. Especially as we enter adulthood, and dropping off a hot meal to a hospital or holding a friend through the grief of infertility becomes the lifeblood of friendship, rather than boozy brunches and late nights out. It takes effort and time — and of course, there was the whole global pandemic, which completely changed our social habits (and perhaps our tolerance for other people) and need for alone time. 

But friendships are work worth investing in, because the rewards are great

Friendship is good for you, emotionally, mentally, and even physically. We know that. Now it’s just a matter of putting that knowledge into practice, and really starting to view friendship as a productive, meaningful way to spend our time and energy, rather than just something we do for fun (though of course, it should be fun too!).

Zara Hanawalt is a freelance journalist and mom of twins. She's written for outlets like Parents, MarieClaire, Elle, Cosmopolitan, Motherly, and many others. In her (admittedly limited!) free time, she enjoys cooking, reading, trying new restaurants, and traveling with her family.