Like many people, I have a love-hate relationship with social media. On the one hand, it can be a breeding ground for trolls and low self-esteem (yay). But social media can also be a wonderful place to create community — specifically, for women experiencing not just perimenopause, but perimenopause rage (it’s me, hi!).
A quick refresher for those who may not be familiar with the term: Perimenopause is when the ovaries begin slowing down the production of estrogen, approximately eight to 10 years before menstrual periods stop for good, aka menopause. Perimenopause usually starts in a person’s 40s, but it can begin when someone is in their 30s as well. Common symptoms include irregular periods, night sweats, hot flashes, vaginal dryness — and mood changes.
Let’s be real. “Mood changes” is just a polite term for what a lot of us are feeling as we enter the perimenopausal years: Pure, unadulterated rage.
Real perimenopause stories
And I’m here to tell you that you are not alone if you’re feeling this way. Many perimenopausal women acknowledge on social media that “they’re not feral, just perimenopausal,” “literally everything makes me angry,” or that they “threw my car keys across the room and yelled so loud I lost my voice after someone didn’t put their shoes on fast enough.” Sound familiar?
One friend that I’ve known for over 20 years even took the time to lay out, in detail, how perimenopause rage has affected her everyday life: “I’m 45 now, and within the last year or two, I started to notice I was becoming absolutely unhinged a few days before my period,” she tells me via email. “This isn’t just getting a little moody,” she continues. “This is flying off the handle about even small things.” For example, she recounted a story where she noticed an empty yogurt container on the counter instead of the garbage can. “The rage and profanity were immediate,” she admits. “If I could have punched a wall without damaging myself or my home, I’m pretty sure I would have.” My friend also referenced numerous marital spats and tearful family breakdowns as a consequence of her perimenopausal anger. “And with unpredictable cycles ranging from 20 to 75 days, it’s hard to brace for the rage,” she says.
Clearly, perimenopause rage is real, and ongoing stigma doesn't help. So to help smash the taboos around this topic, Rescripted spoke with Cordelia Nwankwo, M.D., a board-certified OB/GYN in Washington, D.C., about why perimenopause makes us feel like everyone around us is just the absolute WORST.
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Potential causes of perimenopause rage
Chalk it up to those pesky hormones! “Mood changes can be caused by hormone fluctuations that occur in the perimenopausal period,” explains Dr. Nwankwo. Believe it or not, before the 1980s, doctors believed perimenopause was just a “slow draining of estrogen levels until you hit the end of your period,” according to this New York Times article. But studies eventually revealed that the hormones weren’t draining so much as “bouncing around.”
Combine these hormone changes with additional perimenopause symptoms like night sweats and sleep disruption, and your mood swings can indeed worsen, says Dr. Nwankwo. These physically depleting symptoms can wreak havoc on your nervous system, causing stress and fatigue. The result? Intense mood swings and/or rage.
Can I treat perimenopause rage?
Not sure if your occasional perimenopause rage warrants a trip to the doctor’s office? Only you can make that decision, but “any point where symptoms start to interfere with your quality of life is a good time to visit your healthcare provider to discuss treatment options,” says Dr. Nwankwo.
I’m pleased to say that my friend is seeing some results from an over-the-counter supplement (recommended by a midwife at her OB/GYN’s practice), and from speaking openly about her perimenopause symptoms (both with me and with her family). But Dr. Nwankwo reminds readers that “treatment options are not one size fits all. More likely than not, a combination of recommended therapies will be needed to address symptoms,” she says.
“Therapy can be helpful especially if other stressors are contributing,” advises Dr. Nwankwo. “For some people, an SSRI or antidepressant/antianxiety medication can help.” She also recommends stress-decreasing lifestyle changes, such as improving sleep habits, adopting healthy eating habits, exercising, or practicing mindfulness.
Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) is also an option, though Dr. Nwankwo only recommends HRT “if other perimenopausal symptoms are bothersome.” If this is an area you’d like to explore, speak to your healthcare provider.
It’s not them, it’s you
While it may feel like everyone in your life has suddenly become super-annoying, rest assured that’s not the case. They’re not the problem — you’re just dealing with perimenopause! I know, not the comforting words you’re looking for, but the first step toward addressing perimenopause-related rage is recognizing that nobody is at fault here. The more we understand what’s happening to our bodies as we reach our 40s and early 50s, the better equipped we’ll be to accept these intense mood swings.
Perimenopause rage sucks, but one of the most empowering things we can do is share our stories. Tell a mental health professional about that time you went into an inexplicable blind rage. Confide in your friends and loved ones that your turbulent hormones are making you want to scream into an empty bag of potato chips. Post that anecdote about how you went off on your husband for letting your kid eat his multivitamin before breakfast.
The more we talk about perimenopause rage, the less scary it will be.
Sarene Leeds holds an M.S. in Professional Writing from NYU, and is a seasoned journalist, having written and reported on subjects ranging from TV and pop culture to health, wellness, and parenting over the course of her career. Her work has appeared in Rolling Stone, The Wall Street Journal, Vulture, SheKnows, and numerous other outlets. A staunch mental health advocate, Sarene also hosts the podcast “Emotional Abuse Is Real.” Visit her website here, or follow her on Instagram or Threads.
