Where Do I Go From Here? How To Find Healing After a Miscarriage

Three days after my D&C from a missed miscarriage, I walked the beach with my mom. 

It was a sunny May morning, the kind of day that tells you summer’s on the way — but all I could see were dark, heavy clouds looming overhead. 

We were wading in the water and collecting shells when I found a dime with my birth year. I had no doubt it was a sign from someone or something much bigger than me… a reminder to have hope, even at my lowest point. 

I’d been through a miscarriage before, and I knew better days were ahead. But to get there, I needed to allow myself to grieve and take intentional steps toward healing. 

It’s hard work, but the only way out is through. 

Healing from a miscarriage means finding ways to process all the things: anger, grief, depression, defeat.

It takes effort to put one foot in front of the other every day and process these emotions in a healthy way. 

If you’re going through pregnancy loss, know that there will be days when you feel like you’re making progress — and there will also be really hard days. If you can find a healing modality that works for you, each day will get a little better.

Today, I’m sharing the things that helped me heal after three pregnancy losses so you can find something that works for you, too.

Diving into home organization projects

After my first loss, I learned pretty quickly that in a situation where everything felt out of control, I needed something to grip onto. A healthy way to regain a sense of order. 

So I leaned into my type-A side and poured my energy into home organization projects. I stocked up on clear bins, grabbed a label maker, and gave my pantry a glow-up. Then I tackled the space below the sink. The closets weren’t far behind.

Although organizing was helping me channel my emotions into something productive, it also served another purpose: Keeping busy while staying home. 

If you’re not ready to start going out again after a miscarriage, or if social anxiety gets the best of you (hi, it’s me), that’s normal. It takes time to resurface after something this devastating.

So if you’re ready to start putzing around at home, take a dive into #CleanTok and find ways to clean all those parts of your home you typically overlook, like:

• Oven racks

• Fridge drawers

• Ceiling fans

• Silverware drawers

• Washing machine filters

Surf therapy

After working through the pain of my first loss, I was ready to get back to a normal life with a fresh perspective (and an even cleaner house). But all that momentum came crashing down with the news of another missed miscarriage.

There I was at the start of beach season, in a body I didn’t recognize… and couldn’t trust. 

At a time when I felt the most at odds with my body, my healing journey led me to get moving. I joined a somatic surf therapy program, where a surf instructor teaches you how to work with the ocean to get out of your mind and into your body.

As a first-time surfer, there were a lot of challenges I had to work through — like the fear of getting too far from shore and the momentary panic of being caught in a break. 

After each lesson, we’d talk through those challenges on dry land, and how to use the lessons from surfing as coping mechanisms in everyday life.

I found surf therapy to be super valuable, but if it’s not available to you, there are other ways you can connect with your body after a loss. If you have a therapist, talk to them about ways to use somatic therapy to strengthen the mind-body connection. 

And if you’re ready to get moving, consider some activities to help you connect with your body like:

• Yoga

• Dance

• Hiking

• Swimming

Herbalism

I’d done a TON of work after two miscarriages to heal emotionally and physically and regain the courage to try again. We did everything differently the next time — which is why it hit me like a brick when my third pregnancy resulted in another loss. How could this be happening again?

Amid my shock and devastation, a friend reached out and invited me to forage herbs. I didn’t realize it at the time, but connecting with nature was exactly what I needed in my grief.

We started going on foraging walks led by a local botanist, collecting plants that grow wild in our area. We learned which plants you can use as medicine (and which ones to stay away from!). This inspired me to pick up books on herbalism and learn more ways to support hormone balance naturally as I continue the fertility journey. 

Plant medicine came into my life at a time when I needed it the most… and proved that sometimes what we need for healing is in our backyard. As you work through loss, listen to the interests that come knocking on your door — it might just be your intuition’s way of guiding you to better days.

Finding what works for you

Everyone’s experience with loss is unique and personal, and there’s no right or wrong way to heal from a miscarriage. What matters is that you take the space to grieve — and be gentle on yourself when you’re ready to start doing things again.

Whether that means getting out in nature or deep in a closet, focus on finding activities that give you small moments of joy every day. Because in those moments where you’re connecting with yourself, healing happens.