When Does Self-Care End and Beauty Insecurity Begin?

When Shay Mitchell announced the launch of rini, a line of sheet masks created especially for kids, the backlash came swiftly. People had concerns about many aspects of this launch — from the environmental impacts of sheet masks, to the capitalism of it all (do kids need above-and-beyond skincare? Obviously not). And one major concern? The beauty standards being thrust upon young kids.

Except...is that what's happening here? As I see it, the marketing around them feels much more oriented around the experience of using them, rather than the results you can achieve. There are no promises of glowing skin or acne reduction, just messages about how fun it can be for kids to have a little self-care spa experience (while possibly seeing some soothing benefits after, say, being out in the sun and feeling some skin irritation). 

Obviously, kids products and adult products serve different purposes and are marketed in different ways. But this launch is giving us a clear look at how we have culturally muddled the ideas of self-care and beauty standards. And the concerns about the overcomsuption angle here, while valid, also feel misdirected: After all, plenty of adults have 12-step skin care routines.

This brand is pretty clearly, at least as I see it, more about giving kids a taste of what it's like to practice self-care, yet the reactions are clearly tying this to chasing beauty standards at a very young age. And it's making me realize: Even for adults, the line between showing up for and caring for yourself and letting the beauty standards of the world lead you is razor thin.

Is scheduling a pedicure a matter of self-care? Or is it chasing an aesthetic expectation placed on women? What about getting regular facials? Applying makeup? Doing your hair? Putting on a cute outfit? Taking an everything shower?

There’s a lot of discourse online recently about how getting up and getting dressed every morning can make you feel good, even if you’re staying home all day. That feels like the perfect representation of this: Yes, taking some time to put yourself together even if you won’t be seeing anyone can feel like a way to pour into yourself…but it also feels like it can quickly slide us into this ethos about women “letting themselves go” if they don’t look a certain way.

I don’t know where exactly self-care stops being about truly caring for yourself and starts being about chasing some beauty ideal. Maybe it’s different for everyone. But it’s something worth thinking about.

Ask Clara:

"How much skincare do I need?"

So Wait, is the Toothpaste Gender Gap a Thing?

Recently, my husband brought home a whitening toothpaste. After a few days of using it, he asked me how I was liking the new find and I answered honestly. “I really don’t like it." I said. To me, the toothpaste has a strange taste and just doesn’t give that fresh, clean, minty feeling I want. He was shocked when I said that and told me that he’s been loving the new toothpaste. “My teeth feel so much cleaner with it,” he said.

Does some of this just come down to personal preference? Sure, probably. But, if TikTok discourse holds any truth (and, let’s be honest, it doesn’t always), it may come down to the gender toothpaste gap. According to some clips on the topic, men and women have salivary differences. Women’s mouths tend to be more acidic, and as a result (according to the TikTok conversation) toothpaste tends to work differently for men and women.

One TikTok claims that toothpaste companies didn’t take this discrepancy into account when creating products. I’ll let you guess which sex toothpastes are made for (hint: It’s men, it’s always men).

We tapped Ben Winters (@thebentist), dentist, orthodontist and founder of Something Nice, to weigh in on this discourse. 

“It’s true that hormonal imbalances and other things women experience (like morning sickness) can increase the acidity and lower the pH of a woman's mouth more than men,” says Dr. Winters. “But the truth is lower ph and the acidity of the mouth is what a good toothpaste should be protecting against.”

One thing to keep in mind? We may be better off avoiding whitening toothpastes.

“Unfortunately some people care more about marketing to a trend than the health of a mouth. Certain toothpastes like whitening toothpastes have lower pHs and can actually make your mouth more acidic,” says Dr. Winters. 

And “natural” toothpastes? Those may be formulated without ingredients (like fluoride) to protect against acid attacks.

The TL;DR? Oral differences between men and women may exist, but “a good toothpaste should work for all men and women,” says the expert.

Ask Clara: What is the pink tax?

Kelsea Ballerini's New Song Nails the Brutal Reality So Many Women are Facing

Millennial women changed the rules. We looked at the timelines and the expectations under which our own mothers operated and we said "you know what? We're going to rescript our options". For some of us, that meant opting out of or delaying motherhood. Because thanks to reproductive technologies and shifting societal standards, we have the power the choose the timelines and options that work for our lives, our careers, our partnerships, and our finances. 

But that doesn't mean it's easy. For many of us, finding the balance of waiting until we are truly ready to become parents, alongside the juggle of all our other goals and dreams, can feel impossible — even with access to things like egg freezing and fertility testing. 

And in her new song, Kelsea Ballerini captures that struggle beautifully. In "I Sit in Parks", Ballerini sings: I sit in parks/ It breaks my heart ‘cause I see just how far I am/ From the things that I want."

It's easy to look at Ballerini's life and think she has everything. She is so successful and so talented, and she's living out a reality so many young girls and women dream of as a wildly successful musician. But at the end of the day, there's no such thing as having it all.

Maybe, in order to make her musical dreams come true, Ballerini needed to press pause on her parenting plans. Maybe she just hasn't found a partner who makes her feel prepared to take that step. The point is, she’s feeling something so many women feel as she conquers her dreams, all while the old adages about biological clocks ring in her ears.

One of the most raw moments of the song comes when Ballerini sings the line “I wonder if she wants my freedom like I want to be a mother.”

It’s a sobering reminder: There’s no perfect timeline or life plan…and even when we look like we have it all, as women, something always has to give. 

Ask Clara: What is the biological clock?

Jennifer Lawrence is Here to Normalize Cellulite

Movies, magazines, and social media would love to convince us otherwise, but cellulite? A totally normal thing.

No, it's not just you: Even the women with bodies you look at and think "holy sh*t, how is everything so smooth!?" have stretch marks and dimples — yes, even gorgeous A-listers like Jennifer Lawrence. It turns out, lighting, angles, and editing can really affect how things look in media.

And now, at the Oscar winner's request, we're about to get a look at that cellulite on the big screen. 

It stands to reason: Lawrence's most recent role is visceral in the extreme. In Die My Love, she plays a mother who is dealing with postpartum depression, or perhaps postpartum psychosis, according to reports. And when speaking about the role at a special screening of the movie via Vulture, Lawrence opened up about her refreshing approach to the way the film presented her body.

“I don’t care about nudity. I’m not sensitive about it,” Lawrence says. “I remember, like, them sending over a close-up of cellulite and being like, ‘Do you want us to touch this up?’ And I was like, ‘No. That’s an ass.'”

And there we go: That's the normalization of cellulite we need. 

Lawrence also speaks to how pregnancy changed her relationship to her body. “ I think being pregnant took a lot of, like, vanity anxiety away. Before [I filmed the movie] No Hard Feelings, I was dieting and not eating carbs and working out. I was pregnant [for Die My Love]. Like, what was I gonna do? Not eat?,” she shares.

Die My Love promises to really go there, tackling postpartum mood disorders in a way that seems revolutionary. And Lawrence’s attitude towards the way she is allowing her body to be shown in this film? Well, that feels a little bit revolutionary too.

Ask Clara: What is body positivity?

Is 'Freeze Your Eggs in Your 20s' Good Advice?

A few years ago, a major celebrity offered the advice that all young women should freeze their eggs in their 20s. And as a journalist in the women's health space, I wasn't sure how to feel about this advice. 

On the one hand, having your eggs on ice gives you options and buys you time. On the other hand? We've started throwing the advice to "just freeze your eggs" around very casually. The reality is, egg freezing takes time, physical commitment, and a lot of money. For some women, it's just not an accessible move.

Many young women who are just finding their financial footing save up to have their eggs frozen, take time off from work, and bend their schedules around the process...only to never need to use those eggs. Especially women in their 20s, who are just getting started in the workforce, yet feel the pressure to take control of their reproductive future. 

And this may end up being an investment that doesn’t quite pay off. Research published in the American Journal of Obstetricians and Gynecologists indicates that most women who freeze their eggs don't end up using them — according to the study, just 6 percent of those studied who underwent egg freezing between 2014 and 2021 ultimately used those frozen eggs.

The study also revealed that women are turning to egg freezing at younger ages, but the people who underwent the process later in life (around age 38-42)  appear to be more likely to return to use those eggs.

Obviously, this doesn't give us a single best path for people who are wondering if egg freezing is right for them. There’s no perfect age to freeze your eggs, there’s no clear set of criteria you can use to determine if this type of fertility preservation is right for you, and ultimately, deciding whether or not to freeze your eggs is such a personal decision.

But the takeaway here, I think, is to remember this: It’s a personal decision. It doesn’t quite work to make a blanket statement that every woman should freeze her eggs in her 20s, because many will invest all that money and time and never see their returns. 

If you know you don’t want to have children until much later in life, have some sort of condition that will affect your fertility down the line, have the funds to cover this procedure, have egg freezing covered through your employer, or just know this is something you really want to do? Then it could very well be worth it. If not? It may be worth really considering whether you want to make this investment. At the end of the day, only you can make that choice.

Ask Clara: What's the best age for egg freezing? 

A Pediatrician Just Nailed the Nuances and Double Standards of Body Shaming + Skinny Shaming

As a blanket statement, I think we should all just stop commenting on other people's bodies. As much as this statement has been circulating for a while, though, people don't seem to have grasped the problematic nature of commenting on someone's size, and body-shaming is still a very real thing. But, here's an important question: Is fat-shaming the same as skinny-shaming? 

My take? It's not.

But two things can be true: Skinny-shaming can be different than fat-shaming, and they can both still be wrong. I’ll be fully honest here: I, and a lot of other women, though certainly not all of them take "you lookskinny" as a compliment. I'm not proud of that, but it is what it is. "You look so fat", on the other hand? It’s rarely received as (or meant to be) a complement. 

Does that mean it's okay to tell a smaller person to "eat a burger" or that they're "so skinny it's gross"? Of course not. But the reality is, thin privilege exists. 

It's a nuanced issue that's really hard to put into words, and that's why, when I came across a video from Dr. Mona Amin (@pedsdoctalk), I found myself saying "this is the take!".

"Body-shaming isn't just about what is said, it's about reducing a person's worth to their size, and it happens to all body types," says Dr. Mona. "Body image struggles don't just exist in larger bodies."

"But here's where it gets nuanced: The way society treats different body types is not the same," she adds. "A thin person may experience body-shaming, but they still exist in a world that favors their size.”

The bottom line? Thinness comes with many forms of privilege, but we can't know the full story just because someone exists in a small body. Skinny-shaming is still body-shaming. And while this is a nuanced issue, the takeaway is pretty simple: We should not be commenting on anyone’s body.

Ask Clara: What is skinny shaming? 

Why Does Daylight Saving Time Make Us Feel So Blah?

If you're a parent, you've certainly heard the chatter that starts around Daylight Saving Time — you know, the complaints about how the (incredibly abrupt, it should be noted) switch affects kids.

Whether we're gaining or losing an hour, the conversation about kids is always the same. But hey, we matter too!  Nobody is talking about the full story here: Daylight Saving Time doesn't just turn kids into cranky little dictators. It also messes with us adults in some real ways. 

Basically? If you find yourself feeling extra tired or emotionally just...off right around the time change? You're not alone. 

Material from Johns Hopkins University puts it very succinctly. "The changing of the clock means misalignment with our bodies’ natural rhythms," the school's web site declares. Yup, felt.

According to the materials, DST can increase mood disorders, anxiety, and depression. The change in exposure to light during waking hours can mess with our circadian rhythms. Even more serious? Research show that rates of motor vehicle accidents increase after a time change. 

A study even suggests  that we could potentially reduce rates of stroke and obesity if we could just do away with dreaded DST. The fight to make DST permanent — and to do away with the twice-yearly time changes — is underway. And we’d say the evidence in the “for” column is pretty compelling.

There are things you can do to help yourself feel less...well, blah, around the time change, according to the Mayo Clinic. Buying a light box, exercising, and focusing on living a generally healthy lifestyle can be helpful. Easier said than done, though, especially when you’re already feeling so groggy to begin with.

Ask Clara: What is circadian rhythm?

Do Public Figures Owe Us Postpartum Relatability?

Nara Smith just welcomed her fourth child, and when she shared photos of herself holding her brand new baby, people had a lot of reactions. I don't like to comment on women's bodies, especially postpartum bodies. But in the photos, Smith flaunts a completely flat, smooth  stomach. Now, critics are slamming her for sharing the images.

Listen, Smith has every right to share these photos. But this is, as I see it, a bit of a nuanced issue. We've been fed so many unrealistic images of what postpartum looks like. We live in a world that glorifies bounce back culture, and makes women feel like their postpartum bodies are to be hidden away until they look exactly like they did pre-pregnancy — when the reality is, most people never look exactly like they did pre-pregnancy. 

Even if you get back into your jeans or hit the same number on the scale, chances are, things will look different, whether you develop some stretch marks or cellulite or discolored skin, or your belly takes on a different shape, or  your hips widen, or your ribs expand, or your feet grow a half a size. I won’t say that Smith’s photos aren’t a depiction of the “normal” postpartum body, but I think it’s fair to say that it’s uncommon to look the way she does in these photos. 

In light of that, the images do feel like the kind of thing that might make another postpartum mom feel insecure. But the question is, does Smith need to take responsibility for this?

I don't know the answer to that. I also don't know if Smith took several selfies before landing on the one she posted, strategically posing and choosing the image that made her body look a certain way. I don't know if she made any edits to the photo, either to change her body shape or smooth out any dimpled skin. At the end of the day, it's not really my business. Smith has a right to share what she wants.

But if you saw those photos and found yourself falling into the comparison trap — I know it's easier said than done, but don't go there. Your postpartum body is yours, and it’s exactly what it needs to be.

Ask Clara: Why do I still look pregnant after delivering?

Why is Everybody Suddenly Obsessed With Traditional 'Gender Roles' in Relationships?

Do you watch Love is Blind? If you tuned into the most recent season, I imagine you noticed the sheer volume of references to traditional gender roles in relationships. 

Multiple couples featured on this season of the reality romance show brought up the topic of gender roles in relationships early on in their courtships — which isn't terribly surprising to anyone with a TikTok account.

On the app, conversations about relationships are full of terms like "provider man", "high-value woman", and "soft life". The TL;DR? Many users believe strict adherence to these "traditional gender roles", under which men are providers and women are nurturers, is the key to a happy life. Or, as many say, "a soft life".

Listen, it's been a minute (or 14 years worth of minutes) since I've navigated the wild world of dating, but I don't remember this ever being a thing. Of course, many of us fell into gendered roles in relationships (think: men proposing, women taking on more emotional labor in relationships, etc), but we didn't define it or talk about it so much. 

But based on the apps, and now a certain reality show that reflects the themes of modern-day dating, it’s pretty clear: Traditional gender roles in relationships are top of mind for a lot of young people in the dating game. 

My take? This is a nuanced issue. There’s a wage gap, the workforce is set up for men’s success, and if you want to, say, be a stay-at-home mom at some point, it can be important to make sure that’s a financial reality and that your long-term partner is both willing and able to support this. 

But labeling it as “the soft life”, glorifying financial dependence, and this obsession with traditional gender roles? Well, it feels like it can get regressive — and it’s not reflective of the reality of truly embodying those traditional roles that leave women with mounds of domestic labor and limited power.

Ask Clara: What are traditional gender roles? 

The Statue of a Postpartum Mother is Being Praised (Well, Mostly)

There simply isn't enough representation of what postpartum bodies truly look like. "Bouncing back" immediately and looking exactly like you did pre-pregnancy is certainly not the norm, but media depictions have completely warped our ideas about what it means to exist in a postpartum body. And on top of that, there's this idea that postpartum mothers should hide their bodies away completely. But a new London sculpture is doing the opposite.

Mother Vérité was commissioned by Frida founder Chelsea Hirschhorn and created by sculptor Rayvenn Shaleigha D’Clark. It appears right outside Lindo Wing, a private maternity ward in London — ironically, the same spot where Kate Middleton famously posed for photos shortly after giving birth...and looking, well, completely unlike the typical picture of a postpartum mom who is just trying to stay awake while healing for birth and caring for a brand new baby.

We never see public depictions of the linea nigra, the dark line that appears on your belly after birth. We never hear that our bellies will likely still be distended as the uterus takes time to shrink back down to its usual size after carrying a baby for 9-ish months. And we never talk about the realities of how postpartum bodies function: They bleed and they sweat and they leak. So when women find themselves in the postpartum period, and they learn about these realities in real time, they wonder if they're freaks. If they're the only ones who look like this or feel like this or have this weird issue that nobody warned them they might encounter.

This sculpture is important. Normalization of postpartum bodies is important. Yet some people feel it’s not realistic enough.

“I have to say my first thought was her tummy does not look like she just gave birth, she’s conventionally beautiful and slim. When I compare it to how I looked post partum I don’t find this empowering," one commenter writes on an Instagram post revealing the piece. "I appreciate the concept but I find the execution missed the mark."

The thing is, it would be impossible to represent every postpartum body with one piece of art, and this commenter has a point. But this is progress. 

Ask Clara: What can women expect in the postpartum period?