Is Automatically Unfollowing Women Who Get Married or Pregnant a Form of Misogyny?

I recently came across a TikTok that went viral. In it, a woman shares that she automatically unfollows any woman once she announces a pregnancy or engagement.

The post has since been deleted, but it’s not the only one of its kind. Across my feeds, I frequently see takes from people saying that once a woman gets married or has a child, she becomes unrelatable and uninteresting. And they click that “unfollow" button.

Listen, I get that it’s easier to relate to someone who is in a similar phase of life to your own. I understand that single and childfree women, who have historically been criticized by the public and deemed “selfish” or "incomplete" should be entitled to find community.

But this idea that once a woman makes more traditional choices (marriage, motherhood), she becomes boring, dull, uninspiring, uncool— that’s also a real piece of the womanhood experience. Many of the people saying they hit unfollow when a women online takes this path are framing it as a progressive choice. But removing your support when a woman makes a choice that looks different than your own…well, that doesn’t feel like true feminism, at least to me. Especially when you consider that hitting "unfollow" isn't just a personal move, but one that can ultimately affect a creator's business. 

On my feeds, I’ve seen real beef pop up between childfree-by-choice people and parents. On the childfree side, people will boast about the things they can do because they’re not “shackled” by children; on the parent side, people (many mothers) will declare that anyone who has never experienced parenthood just simply doesn’t know love or purpose. 

But girls, come on. We have to stick together here! We have to have each other’s backs. And when we let this divide come between us, all we do is decrease our collective strength as women.

I am a married woman and a mother. And you know what? Maybe that does make me uninteresting to some. I spend most of my nights at home, reading books and sipping herbal tea and watching all my shows because...that's what I want out of life right now. Peace, calm, relaxation (with a side of vicarious chaos via the shows I watch).

But marriage and motherhood didn’t erase all of me. I am still who I was before. 

I get that if an influencer you follow starts only posting content about marriage and motherhood, you may feel compelled to leave the chat because those aren’t topics that appeal to you. That’s totally fine!

But to assume that a woman is going to become consumed by those things, that she is going to cross over to this place of banal unrelatability, that everything she’s brought to the table will suddenly vanish as she adds new pieces to her identity? That doesn’t feel cool or revolutionary or fresh at all, at least to me. It actually feels a bit like misogyny.

Because let's face it: We don't let chocies around marriage and motherhood define men.

Ask Clara:

"What is the tension between childfree women and mothers?"

Accidental Pregnancies in Your 40s Are Common. Let’s Talk About Why

I recently read an article in The Atlantic that kind of altered my brain chemistry — and by “altered my brain chemistry”, I really just mean it pointed out something I haven’t considered about reproductive health despite literally thinking about reproduction like it’s my job (because it kind of is my job as a journalist who covers the topic).

The article is about accidental pregnancies after 40, which are surprisingly common (like, around one in three pregnancies among women over 40 are unplanned, according to data from a few years ago).

That’s not to say fertility doesn’t decline with age. It does. We do lose eggs as we get older; that’s a scientific fact. But what we need to remember is this: Your fertility doesn’t just completely leave the chat when you turn 35, as narratives around “advanced maternal age” (a terrible term, as we’ve discussed) might suggest. 

The root of accidental pregnancies after 40, as this article touches on, seems to be more about approach and lifestyle. People may lower their guard where pregnancy prevention is concerned. They experience symptoms of perimenopause and assume “hey, I’m in the clear — I won’t get pregnant now” and maybe they stop really paying attention to contraception.

We also are still very much learning about the realities of perimenopause and menopause — to the point that we really never spoke publicly about these topics up until very recently, and as a result, people don’t really know what’s happening in our bodies. They also may not know that perimenopause affects, but doesn't compeltely wipe out, your fertility. It's not until you've reached menopause, which is clinically defined as one year without a period, that your ability to get pregnant is gone, according to Mayo Clinic materials. You should use birth control until then if you want to avoid pregnancy.

And that’s what it all comes down to: We don’t have the information about how to identify perimenopause and menopause, and we don’t have the information of how our fertility fares in those life stages…so we’re vulnerable to loss of reproductive control.

And then, we don’t have a sense of what is truly happening in our bodies, so maybe we miss a few periods or gain a few pounds and think “oh, this is just perimenopause changing my body”, not realizing you’re actually pregnant until you’re far along.

The bottom line? We need more information about our bodies. And this is yet another example of that.

Ask Clara:

"What are my odds of getting pregnant after 40?"

Sasha Pieterse’s Take on PCOS, GLP-1 Medication + Women’s Bodies is Spot On

During a late-night scroll, I came across a post from actress Sasha Pieterse that stopped me in my tracks. 

The Pretty Little Liars star spoke about appearing in Meghan Trainor’s music video…and about the comments on her and Trainor’s bodies that quickly poured in. 

“This is what I want you to understand about women and body commentary online,” Pieterse said. “You will never be the right size.”

She pointed out that Trainor built her career on celebrating her curves and was body-shamed for that…and now that she has a smaller physique, she’s being criticized for that too. Pieterse is no stranger to this: As a teen, she publicly gained 70 pounds while filming Pretty Little Liars due to PCOS, and the commentary was loud. When she lost that weight, it was loud once again.

“There is no version of existing in a female body that the internet won’t have a problem with,” she said, adding that “no amount of willpower” will fix those hormonal issues. What many women need is medication — yet many of the medications that are effective for conditions like PCOS are heavily stigmatized right now.

“I have watched those medications get mocked and shamed,” Pieterse said, presumably referring to GLP-1 drugs, adding that all this does is make women who need these medications feel there’s something to be ashamed of.

This is nuanced, as most conversations that deal with GLP-1 drugs are. But Pieterse nailed the nuance in her caption: “There is a difference between hollywood pressuring women to shrink themselves to fit a standard, and a woman working with her doctor to treat a real hormonal condition. one is the problem. the other is the solution. stop confusing them,” she wrote

For more of Pieterse’s thoughts, check out her Substack on the topic. This is such a valuable perspective — as someone who grew up in the public eye, had her body chane in very visible ways, heard all the criticism, searched for answers as to what was truly happening with her body, and found a solution that works for her body…all while still being criticized by the public, Pieterse understands this shaming of women’s bodies, dismissal of the real issues they face, and stigmatization of the medications that can help them manage these issues, Pieterse’s perspective is so valuable. 

Ask Clara:

"How do GLP-1 drugs help women with PCOS?"

Recent Research About Attitudes Towards Tradwives Proves...Exactly What We've Always Known

I can't stand tradwife content. To me, it isn't just dangerous to suggest that the ultimate (and only) path to happiness as a woman is to reject feminism, submit to your husband, and serve your "natural" role as a homemaker to your "provider" husband. It's also....cheesy. 

Because one thing we need to remember? The tradwife influencers who pop up frequently on your feeds are monetizing these ideas....all while telling other women that feminism (you know, the thing that enables them to do what they're doing) is what is failing them. It's a full-on grift.

Now, to be clear: I am not anti stay-at-home mom (or even stay-at-home wife). I stayed home when my twins were born, and I fully support any woman taking on that job (because yes, it is a job). My gripe is with the attitudes of servitude and submission the tradwives peddle. It's with the dismissal of all the unpaid work women do, and how it leaves the financial risks of being without your own income out of the question. But while I worry about how trad wife content will affect young women, the truth is, I've always been even more concerned about how it will affect men.

Because now we have evidence to support what I've always known: Support for the tradwife movement was linked to negative perception of women among the men surveyed. For research published in Psychology of Women Quarterly, study authors surveyed 595 men about their familiarity with and opinions on trad wife content. According to their findings, men with attitudes of hostile sexism were more likely to support the trad wife ideology. 

These men, according to this research, frequently view performing domestic labor and caring for children as the easy way of the paid workforce (it's not). 

This is exactly how so many women end up in ugly, abusive, controlling marriages with totally warped power dynamics. This is what contributes to women being told they should fill "traditional roles", then being told they "don't work" or "don't contribute", so they can't have any say in how the family or household runs.

Again, it's not the opting out of the traditional workforce I take umbrage with here. It's the idea that women only belong in one place, and that this place is reserved for people who are less competent, less powerful, and less respectable. And how does a stay-at-home parent differ from a tradwife, you ask? Well, the former can have an egalitarian partnership, while the latter is based on an ideology that puts women in the backseats of their own relationships.

And there are dangers to that – financial dangers, physical and mental health dangers, and more.

Ask Clara:

"What is a tradwife?"

The 'Summer House' Drama Has Me Asking: What Does it Actually Mean to be a 'Girl's Girl'?

This may sound dramatic, but when Amanda Batula and West Wilson confirmed their romance via a joint statement, I audibly gasped. For the uninitiated, a breakdown: Batula recently announced her divorce from Kyle Cook, while Wilson has been in a will-they-won’t-they dynamic with Ciara Miller.  How do I know all this? Well, all parties involved star on one of my favorite reality shows, Summer House.

Worth mentioning? Batula and Miller are close friends. Which means that people aren’t just side-eyeing Batula for moving on from her ex husband quickly, they’re also (rightfully, TBH) mad that she’s with her friend’s ex — and not just any ex. The ex who broke her heart.

It’s inspiring a ton of conversation about how Batula isn’t “a girl’s girl”. And when I say a “ton of conversation”, I mean this discussion is pretty much taking over my feeds at the moment.  People are coming hard for Batula. They're saying they’ve always hated her. Saying she’s an insecure pick-me who was always jealous of Miller. A recent campaign Batula starred in was even pulled. 

And it’s all got me thinking: What does it truly mean to be a girl’s girl? Yes, dating your friend’s ex doesn’t exactly scream “girl’s girl” behavior. It's a clear violation of girl code. Yes, this situation looks really, really bad, especially when you consider that Batula was there to watch Miller’s heartbreak unfold. 

But it’s starting to feel a bit hypocritical. Calling out someone for not being a “girl’s girl”, all while essentially contributing to the cyber bullying of another woman, wishing ill upon her, and taking this fall from grace as an invitation to completely rip a woman to shreds on the Internet...I don't know, it seems like we've lost the plot a bit.

We see this time and time again: Pop culture has its heroes and villains, and we as a public come for people when they slip up — as we all do at some point. We condemn so loudly, there’s no way they can possibly shield themselves from the backlash.

There are real mental health dangers to this: People aren’t meant to hear about how hated they are, yet people in the public eye are essentially told they have to accept this, that it comes with the territory. We call it accountability, but really what it becomes is a burning at the stake. And that’s what we’re seeing here, IMO. Because let's face it, both men and women are vulnerable to this type of criticism when they enter the public eye....but somehow, we as a society always delight more in tearing down women.

This is not a defense of Amanda Batula. I’m not saying it’s okay — ever — to get with your friend’s ex. It’s a bad look, no doubt. It certainly doesn’t scream “girl’s girl” behavior. But, hot take: Neither does the outright hate this woman is receiving. 

Ask Clara:

"what does it mean to be a girl's girl?"

Pregnancy April Fools Day Pranks are Deeply Unfunny

When I was trying to get pregnant, every single pregnancy announcement felt a bit like salt being poured on my wounds. I’m not proud of it, but it’s how I felt: I wanted to be happy for others when they announced their happy news, but I couldn’t help but feel like pregnancy announcements were just a constant reminder of what was not happening for me....no matter how badly I wanted it or how hard I tried. 

But you know what felt even worse than seeing a pregnancy announcement? Seeing jokes about pregnancy on April Fool’s Day. It felt like this thing that was so serious for me was just…a joke to the outside world. At least a legit pregnancy announcement meant happy news for someone. But a joke about pregnancy reveals? It just felt…crass. 

We’ve come a long way where sensitivity around fertility issues is concerned. Pregnancy reveal culture has changed. Yet somehow, not everyone has realized how insensitive and deeply unfunny April Fool's Day pranks involving pregnancy are. 

I’m so frustrated — yet not at all surprised — to see that people still don’t get this. Today, once again, I came across a fake pregnancy reveal with an AI-generated image of a woman with a faux baby bump.

I’ve also seen debates about whether or not it’s actually wrong to joke about pregnancy today...and I’ve seen a take that “people are too sensitive” in regards to the “no fake pregnancy reveals on April Fool’s Day” rule that has finally become a part of our culture, at least to some extent. This doesn’t surprise me at all, TBH.

The reality is: No. We haven’t gotten too sensitive. Actually, we are still not sensitive enough. The fact that we even have to tell people this, that people are still seeing pregnancy as the butt of the joke, is proof of that.

With the rise of AI, I think pregnancy pranks and scams — on April Fool’s Day and otherwise — will only become more common. Fake baby bumps and doctored ultrasound images will, unfortunately, be way easier for people to create.

It shouldn't have to be said, but clearly it does: Pregnancy is no joke. And it’s not something to joke about. Ever. 

Ask Clara:

"How do fake pregnancy announcements affect people?"

Robyn Became a Single Mother by Choice and That's Not a Failure

Robyn — yes, the same Robyn who gave the world the absolute gift of the banger “Dancing on my Own”, among so many other great pop standards — had a child as a single woman in her 40s. 

That still feels like a bit of a revolutionary path, though based on statistics around the rise of women opting out of marriage, I suspect it won’t be that way for long.

Like many (but not all!) mothers, Robyn always envisioned doing parenthood with a partner. And when it didn’t shake out that way, when she realized she would have to make compromises she wasn’t willing to make in order to have children in a conventional heterosexual relationship, she opted to do it on her own…and she’s reflecting on the complicated feelings that came with that choice.

“I had seen myself having a kid in a stable relationship. I was sad to let go of that. It felt like a failure,” she told The Guardian.

But here’s what Robyn is truly doing by getting real about these complicated feelings: She’s normalizing this path. And she’s telling other women who want to be mothers, who feel like their time is running out, yet don’t feel like they’ve found a partner with whom they want to build a family,  that they don’t have to wait.

Thanks to both improved fertility technologies and a greater scope of what is truly possible for women, you can choose single motherhood. Doing it on your own may feel like the uncommon choice, and society may view it as a "last resort", but people like Robyn will change the narrative. Because it’s not a failure. And by sharing the things that led her to single motherhood by choice, she’s pointing out something important: It can be an intentional move. 

“I think motherhood in a conventional heterosexual relationship, in my life at least, has been really hard to reconcile with what I think I would have to do to make that work,” she shared. 

Choosing to do it on her own instead? It’s the farthest thing from a failure. It’s a powerful choice. As a mom myself, albeit one who had children after getting married — the more traditional path — I applaud any woman who is designing her own life and uncovering her own possibilities, like Robyn did.

It’s worth noting, though, that solo motherhood is a different ball game for someone like Robyn, who not only had the means to afford egg freezing and IVF, but also the ability to support a child and enlist childcare on her income alone. Her experience is probably not relatable to many single moms. But it’s also important that she challenges our ideas of what women can truly do, of all the options we have at our disposal. We may not all have the privilege to access all these opportunities, but the normalization of them? That’s important too.

Ask Clara:

"Why are women opting out of marriage?"

Diet Coke is Proof We Can't Have Nice Things

Listen, I love a crispy Diet Coke. When I hit that 3pm slump (side note: WTF is the deal with the  3 pm slump and why does it just knock me off my feet every single day!?!?), it’s literally the only thing my body wants. Cracking open that can, pouring it over some ice, maybe adding a squeeze of lime if I’m feeling ~extra~. OMG, it’s just the best.

Girlhood is loving a daily DC. We can all agree with that, right? There’s just something life-giving and…maybe slightly addictive about it. 

Social media has arguably made it worse. I rarely log on to an app without seeing some type of Diet Coke content. Sometimes it’s a clip of another woman talking about how much she loves her soda…but sometimes it’s about how Diet Coke is going to kill us.

Some days, I see the latter and think “yeah, and you know what else is going to kill us? Life. So we might as well drink up and enjoy what we have”. Other times, I find myself really taking the risks associated with drinking diet soda seriously.

And those risks? They are, unfortunately, well-documented. There is, according to one research paper, “mounting evidence” that artificially sweetened beverages have been associated with a whole slew of health consequences, from dental issues to rheumatoid arthritis to accelerated cell aging, among others. In another study, daily diet soda consumption was linked to an increased risk of incident metabolic syndrome (which refers to a cluster of conditions, according to Mayo Clinic) and type 2 diabetes. Yet another links daily consumption of artificially sweetened drinks to increased dementia risk.

So...yeah. The risks do seem pretty real. 

Listen, moderation is a thing, and an occasional diet soda is probably not the same as a daily drink. But that’s what is so hard here: Diet Coke is something that feels so habitual. You grab a case of it, then crack one open whenever you need a little pick-me-up, and it’s that perfect boost of refreshment and caffeine. 

I guess that’s the root of the problem here: Diet soda is so easy to grab every day, and it’s such an incredibly hard habit to break. Clearly, I'm not the only one who feels this way. On social media, people even refer to cans of Diet Coke as "fridge cigs".

Somehow, it seems especially addictive to women, perhaps because it's such a part of the social fabric of womanhood to drink Diet Coke (the ultimate girl lunch is a salad, fries, and a Diet Coke, after all. I don’t make the rules!).

But in the name of our long-term health, we should probably pull back a bit. I know. I hate it too. 

Ask Clara:

"Are artificial sweeteners bad for you?"

We Need to Talk About the Horrific Viral Video From a Male Nurse

Even in spaces that are meant to be safe and protective, female bodies are vulnerable — and a recent viral video is proof of this.

A male nurse has made major waves on the Internet after posting what was, presumably, meant to be a funny piece of social media content. Spoiler alert: It's not funny. At all. 

In the video, the nurse shows himself opening up a Foley catheter. The text onscreen reads “Inserting a Foley catheter on a Gen Z female patient” followed by a laughing emoji. It’s already wildly inappropriate: Presumably, the nurse wasn’t actually in the room with a patient and was just acting out the process for the camera — which is already unprofessional. Why are we creating performance content around a medical event that can already feel incredibly uncomfortable and invasive? And why are we adding a laughing emoji and making this a joke?

But what takes this to the next level of inappropriateness is the song that plays in the video. The song is “wgft” — feel free to guess what that acronym stands for and the lyrics used in the viral video are “spread that p*ssy wide let me go for a dive”. 

Sexualizing anything that exists in the context of medical care is absolutely reprehensible. And make no mistake, that is exactly what’s happening here.

And this right here? This is why so many women only want to see female medical providers. Because not only have they experienced gaslighting and dismissal from male providers, there’s also a (completely valid) fear of being sexualized while in a vulnerable state. And listen, this is clearly not just in our heads, as evidenced by this video. Also worth noting: Patients treated by female physicians have better outcomes, which is well-documented. This isn't about discrimination; it's about doing what we need to do to feel safe. And we shouldn't have to think so hard about that, especially not in the context of healthcare. 

The bottom line here? Our bodies are our bodies, yet they’re constantly treated like they are public property. Female bodies are routinely objectified, violated, and commodified, and that’s at the root of so many issues we face, from medical gaslighting to sexual mistreatment. That's what we're seeing here on full display: A healthcare provider (who was rumored to have been fired after posting this video) treating female bodies like objects we have no agency over. 

Ask Clara:

"Why do women feel unsafe in healthcare settings?"

Work-From-Home Arrangements Could Boost Fertility Rates. Did We Really Need Research to Prove This?

Seven years ago, I walked away from a job that required me to be in the office four days a week when my twins were born. Everyone thought I was crazy…until a year-ish later, when the pandemic came and people saw how much their work/life balance improved when working from home. 

Suddenly, I wasn’t the only mom I knew who was swearing off onsite work. Now, we’re being fed conflicted messages. We’re told we should “have more babies”, yet the things that made motherhood more doable — like remote work arrangements — are being taken away. 

But now, what we’ve all been feeling is laid out clearly in the data: You want more babies? Let us work remotely. 

Recent research indicates that fertility between 2023 and 2025, as well as future planned fertility, was higher among people who work from home at least one day a week, and even higher when both people in a couple work from home.

The phrasing of this may lead you to believe that it's your odds of getting pregnant each try that increase when you work from home (and perhaps it does — stress does play a role in fertility, after all). But I think we need to think deeper about this. Having work flexibility doesn’t just make the prospect of actually parenting easier, it also makes things like attending the never-ending appointments required for fertility testing and care more doable. That could certainly affect a person's ability to get pregnant faster, even if their fertility isn't necessarily "better". 

Beyond that, it's about getting people to actually want to be try, though. Up until now, most research has pointed to things like contraception access, societal shifts, and the rising costs of childcare as the reason for the declining birth rate. And yes, all those things play a role.

But remote work opportunities also play a role here, as evidenced by the data. This isn’t one-size-fits-all, obviously, and the research doesn’t necessarily confirm that fertility and birth rates will skyrocket if people are given more workplace flexibility. It's not just about reproductive rates; it's also about reproductive choice.

Here’s the thing. As important as research is, sometimes it comes down to cultural factors, and sometimes that can’t be measured in the data. The fact of the matter is, we saw how essential workplace flexibility is for working parents through the pandemic, and now with return-to-office mandates being rolled out, that’s being taken away. It’s just another way our system fails to support parents, especially moms. So should we really be surprised when people see this happening and think “you know what? Maybe parenthood isn’t for me right now”.

Because it’s not just about boosting fertility rates. It’s also about boosting support for parents, and in turn making parenthood a more attractive prospect. 

Ask Clara:

"How do return-to-office mandates affect women?"