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You know that feeling that comes over you after a really long overdue catchup with your friends? You feel…healthier, somehow. Lighter, clearer, and more connected to yourself.
It turns out, there’s scientific backing here: Friendship is good for your health. One study found higher survival rates among breast cancer patients with close social networks, and research from UCLA proposes a “tend and befriend” theory, which suggests that women may live longer due to their tendency to use social connections to manage stress.
Friendships don’t just benefit our physical health, but our mental health as well.
Research suggests that having few or no friends can be a diagnostic criteria for multiple psychiatric disorders. According to research, people with strong social networks are less likely to experience depression, and even fare better against mortality. Health aside, a close inner circle can even influence a woman’s career trajectory, according to a paper from Harvard Business Review.
This is not even an exhaustive list of all the benefits of friendship, but it’s safe to say that having a strong social circle has some very real, evidence-backed benefits that influence so many aspects of our overall health.
But let’s address the elephant in the room: We’re in the throes of a loneliness epidemic. In our increasingly hyper-individualistic, digitally-driven post-pandemic world, isolation is the norm, at least to some degree. Nowadays, people love to glorify extreme introversion, canceling plans, and never leaving their own homes.
And look, as a person who leans introverted myself, as a chronically overstimulated mother of little kids who desperately craves alone time, I understand the compulsion to retreat into your own little world. But loneliness is a real thing, and it’s harming us in very real ways. We can’t expect to reverse that loneliness and isolation without putting in some work.
In 2024, so many social conversations are all about “boundaries” and protecting our own peace and energy. My hot take is that we’ve gone too far with this. We’ve lost the line between being a “people pleaser” and simply being considerate. We’ve gotten so consumed with the idea of boundary-setting, that we’re boxing people out instead of accepting that social connections are imperfect and sometimes messy. And if we continue down this road, we won’t be able to reap those crucial benefits of friendship.
There’s this Hollywood picture of female friendship that doesn’t resemble real life.
On shows and in movies, friendships are depicted as easy, with female friends seeing one another often, catching up over long lunches, and hanging around on one another’s couches when they need some extra support. That’s not the reality for many of us. Nowadays, friends may be in completely different phases of life, or live in different cities, or just be too consumed with other responsibilities to carve out that essential time for meeting up frequently. All that is, of course, contributing to this loneliness epidemic.
“Our epidemic of loneliness and isolation has been an underappreciated public health crisis that has harmed individual and societal health. Our relationships are a source of healing and well-being hiding in plain sight – one that can help us live healthier, more fulfilled, and more productive lives,” says U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy. “Given the significant health consequences of loneliness and isolation, we must prioritize building social connection the same way we have prioritized other critical public health issues such as tobacco, obesity, and substance use disorders. Together, we can build a country that’s healthier, more resilient, less lonely, and more connected.”
So how exactly do we do that when we can’t even begin to replicate that Hollywood picture in our own lives? We can find the nuance. We can carve out a place between today’s culture, where people retreat from any type of social interaction that feels even slightly uncomfortable, and the Hollywood standard.
That may mean Facetiming with a close friend who lives far away instead of meeting up for brunch. It may mean stacking responsibilities, like joining a friend at a coffee shop to work remotely together. It may mean reaching out to someone in your community, even if it feels awkward or uncomfortable to do so, in order to initiate a friendship. It may mean meeting a friend for a long walk instead of trying to find a free night to meet up for dinner.
Finding the right balance may also mean giving yourself grace.
Some days, you’ll just need to decompress. On the other hand, some days you may just have to push yourself — if you find yourself thinking about canceling plans, maybe just push through that urge and show up anyway. You almost certainly won’t regret it after the fact.
It’s important to keep in mind that friendship is more than just fun, it’s something that can provide so many personal and community benefits. Social support is something you’ll need to rely on as you transition through some of life’s most challenging times, and it’s also something you can look to when you want to celebrate the good stuff. As someone who struggles to put myself out there to make new connections, and often prioritizes time to myself over opportunities for connections, I will be keeping all these benefits in mind when I find myself on the fence about doing the uncomfortable thing for the sake of connection, or retreating into my own personal comfort zone.
Zara Hanawalt is a freelance journalist and mom of twins. She's written for outlets like Parents, MarieClaire, Elle, Cosmopolitan, Motherly, and many others. In her (admittedly limited!) free time, she enjoys cooking, reading, trying new restaurants, and traveling with her family.