We Need to Talk About The 'Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing' Discourse

A recent Vogue article damn near broke the Internet. The story of note posed a question: "Is having a boyfriend embarrassing now?".

The response was massive. Some people chimed in to say "yes, having a boyfriend is embarrassing, but only if your boyfriend is a loser". Others responded with posts of themselves swaying with their beaus to say "apparently this is embarrassing now". Others still (ahem, men) lost their minds and seethed in anger.

Pretty much everybody missed the point — and maybe even just...reacted to the (admittedly clickbait-y) headline without actually reading the story? 

The follow-up to the story is, quite possibly, more clarifying than the original read. But what's just as important is considering all the context that led us here. 

For so long, women have been told that their greatest goal in life is finding a boyfriend, keeping a boyfriend, and turning that boyfriend into a husband. Career, personal growth, friendship, mental health, self-care — those were all viewed as side characters to the main event in a woman's life, which is, of course, her love life. 

Now, we're rescripting that narrative. It's not that having a boyfriend is inherently embarrassing, at least as I see it. It's this attitude of centering your love life, and demanding that other women do as well, that feels dated and reductive and just...I don't know, cheesy? 

And listen, I don't think the answer is trying to be counter-cultural by going against what you want for yourself in pursuit of seeming "cooler" or "less embarrassing". If you want a heterosexual partnership, love that for you (and for me, a happily married straight lady). 

But, worth noting: Recent research reveals that more 12th grade boys than girls want to get married eventually. Maybe they’re tuning into findings that suggest that marriage doesn't always make women happier...

The moral of the story? It’s not embarrassing to want a hetero partnership. But the culture that surrounds this institution? It’s way overdue for some rescripting. 

Here's what is truly embarrassing, IMO: Acting like another woman should be embarrassed if she's single. Saying things like "you'll find someone soon" to a friend who isn't really interested in finding a relationship. Treating having a boyfriend or a male partner like it's the pinnacle of the female experience, when in reality, our lives are about so much more than just our relationships.