What is 'Eldest Daughter Syndrome?'

The term "eldest daughter" is everywhere right now. It’s even the name of a song on Taylor Swift's most recent album.

Eldest daughters are, well, exactly what they sound like: Women who happen to be first-borns. They also happen to be emotional stewards for many people in their lives, from their own siblings, to all the people they encounter and care for as they move through life. And, according to the conversation, many eldest daughters are suffering from a thing called "eldest daughter syndrome", which leaves them exhausted and emotionally depleted. 

But is this syndrome a real thing or (yet another) social media-made myth? 

"Eldest daughter syndrome isn’t a formal medical or psychological diagnosis," says cognitive behavioral psychologist Terri Bacow, PhD,. "It’s more of a cultural or social term. It refers to the tendency for first-born daughters in many families to take on outsized responsibility, both practically and emotionally, compared to their siblings.  As adults, they may end up with certain traits such as anxiety, perfectionism and difficulty asking for help.  Many grow up to be ultra competent or leaders in their fields but struggle to set boundaries because so much was expected of them as a child."

According to the expert, there are elements of truth here, but the phenomenon of eldest daughter syndrome has been overblown by social media (shocking, right?).

“Psychological research regarding  birth order does show that the eldest sibling receives the greatest amount of attention [and] also the greatest amount of pressure,” says Bacow.

TL;DR? Eldest daughters may carry this pressure throughout their lives — but being an eldest daughter doesn’t necessarily mean you or your lived experience will line up with the “eldest daughter” stereotype that has ballooned thanks to social media.

Ask Clara: What is the mental load?