Gender Swaying: Does the Shettles Method Actually Work?

Maybe you had an incredibly special relationship with your mom and want to recreate that bond with a daughter on your own. Maybe you’ve always envisioned having a baby boy and can’t shake that image. Or maybe you already have multiple children of one sex and long to experience parenting the other.

Of course, sex and gender aren’t the same, and you can’t truly know your child’s gender identity before or even shortly after birth. But when expectant parents envision their families, it can be really hard to accept that the image in your head won’t necessarily materialize. Sometimes that means wanting a specific number of children, other times it means envisioning a child of a certain sex. And that’s natural.

What is gender swaying?

Gender swaying is the idea of trying to influence a baby’s biological sex before conception using things like timing, sex positions, diet changes, or tracking ovulation. It’s not about guarantees or medical intervention. It’s about stacking the odds, even slightly, based on theories about how sperm behave and when fertilization happens.

For a lot of people, the interest in gender swaying comes from a really natural place. Maybe you already have children and hope for a different family mix. Maybe you’ve always pictured yourself raising a daughter or a son. Maybe you’ve had losses, long fertility journeys, or complicated feelings about what comes next. Wanting some sense of influence in a process that often feels wildly out of your control makes sense.

It’s also worth being clear about language here. Gender swaying is about biological sex, meaning chromosomes assigned at conception. It has nothing to do with gender identity, which is personal, internal, and something a child defines for themselves over time. Trying to sway sex doesn’t predict who your child will be or how they’ll experience the world.

Lately, gender swaying has become a full-on TikTok moment. Think ovulation charts, confident claims, and comment sections full of “this worked for me” energy. While that visibility can feel validating or exciting, it can also make these methods seem more precise or proven than they actually are. Knowing what gender swaying really involves helps you decide whether it feels empowering, stressful, or simply not for you.

What is the Shettles method?

The Shettles method is a gender swaying approach that focuses almost entirely on timing intercourse around ovulation to try to influence a baby’s biological sex. While it feels very TikTok-coded right now, this theory has actually been around for decades.

The method was developed in the 1960s by OB/GYN Dr. Landrum Shettles, who based his ideas on microscopic observations of sperm. He later laid out his approach in his book, Your Baby’s Sex: Now You Can Choose, which is still referenced today whenever gender swaying comes up.

Dr. Shettles bases his theory on the observation of sperm and perceived differences between male-producing sperm and female-producing sperm, including variations in size and shape. According to the method, sperm thought to produce male children, often called androsperm, are believed to swim faster but have shorter lifespans. Sperm thought to produce female children, often called gynosperm, are believed to move more slowly but survive longer and tolerate different vaginal environments better.

That belief is what drives the timing advice. As for how people can sway their odds of conceiving a child of a specific sex, here’s the most pertinent tip from Dr. Shettles: To conceive a baby boy, couples should concentrate their baby-making attempts right before ovulation and are advised to avoid sex until the day of ovulation itself. People who want to conceive baby girls are advised to have sex about 3 days before ovulation, with no sex closer to ovulation.

The reasoning here, according to Dr. Shettles, is that sperm that produce baby girls tend to survive longer and swim better in certain environments. That’s why the method suggests having sex earlier, giving those sperm more time to wait for the egg. Sperm that produce male children, on the other hand, are thought to move faster through the cervix, making intercourse closer to ovulation more favorable, at least according to the theory.

Confusing? Yes. It certainly is, especially because there’s much more to the theory than just timing. Cervical mucus, sexual positions, and even orgasm patterns are also discussed in the broader method.

And if TikTok is any indication, it’s relatively common again. What once felt niche or academic is now playing out in real time, with creators documenting their attempts and sharing testimonials about getting their hoped-for result. Social media has given the Shettles method new life, even as the science behind it remains very much up for debate.

How does the Shettles method work?

At its core, the Shettles method is all about timing sex as precisely as possible around ovulation. The idea is that when you have intercourse matters more than how often, especially if you’re trying to sway the odds toward a baby boy or a baby girl.

If you’re hoping to conceive a boy, the method recommends having sex as close to ovulation as you can, ideally on the day ovulation happens. The theory is that male-producing sperm (androsperm) are faster swimmers and more likely to reach the egg first when it’s released.

If you’re hoping to conceive a girl, the advice flips. The method suggests having sex about three days before ovulation, then abstaining as ovulation approaches. According to the theory, female-producing sperm (gynosperm) are thought to survive longer in the reproductive tract. Waiting a few days is supposed to give them an advantage once ovulation finally occurs.

That timing strategy is built on the idea that different sperm behave differently inside the body. Faster swimmers are believed to thrive when the egg is immediately available, while longer-living sperm are thought to benefit from earlier timing. Whether that actually plays out in real life is another conversation entirely, which we’ll get into later.

Timing isn’t the only piece of the Shettles method, though. The approach also talks about things like cervical mucus, sexual positions, and even orgasm patterns as potential influences. Taken together, it creates a very specific roadmap that can feel empowering for some people and overwhelming for others, especially if you’re already deep in cycle tracking mode.

Shettles method chart and timing guidelines

If you’ve seen a Shettles method chart floating around online, it’s usually trying to do one thing: map out when to have sex and when to stop, based on where you are in your cycle. The goal is to make timing feel clearer and more visual, especially if you’re already tracking ovulation closely.

Here’s how the timing guidelines typically break down in a day by day way, assuming you ovulate on Day 14 of your cycle. If your ovulation day is different, the same pattern applies. You’d just shift the days to match your own cycle.

If you’re trying for a girl

• Day 10 to Day 11 (3-4 days before predicted ovulation): Have sex
• Day 12 onward (from 2 days before predicted ovulation): Abstain
• Day 14 (ovulation): No sex

The idea here is to have sperm present several days before ovulation, then avoid intercourse as ovulation gets closer. According to the theory, sperm associated with female conception are believed to survive longer, so waiting it out is supposed to give them the advantage.

If you’re trying for a boy

• Day 12 to Day 13 (from 1-2 days before predicted ovulation): Abstain
• Day 14 (ovulation day): Have sex

This approach focuses all baby making attempts right at ovulation. The belief is that sperm associated with male conception swim faster and are more likely to reach the egg first if intercourse happens when the egg is freshly released.

Most charts also include a simple visual of the cycle itself. Picture ovulation as the center point, with earlier days highlighted for girl swaying and the exact ovulation day highlighted for boy swaying. That visual can be helpful if you’re a planner or someone who likes seeing patterns laid out clearly.

One important thing to remember is that these charts assume you know exactly when you ovulate. That usually means tracking ovulation carefully using tools like ovulation predictor kits, basal body temperature, or cycle tracking apps. Without accurate ovulation timing, the chart quickly becomes guesswork.

Does the Shettles method work? What science says

If you’re looking for a straight answer before getting emotionally invested, here it is.

In short? “No,” says Staci Tanouye, MD, a board-certified OB/GYN. “There have been many studies disproving all the various hypotheses of the Shettles method.”

That might feel frustrating, especially given how confidently the method is discussed online. But when researchers have actually tested the core ideas behind it, the results haven’t held up.

One of the most commonly cited pieces of evidence comes from research published in 1991, which directly examined whether timing intercourse around ovulation could influence a baby’s sex. The researchers found no meaningful link between timing and sex outcomes. As the authors put it: “In spite of the empirical findings, natural family planning programs continue to promote natural methods to help couples determine their child's sex by the timing of intercourse.”

That study isn’t an outlier. Over the years, multiple analyses and population-based studies have looked at ovulation timing, sperm behavior, and sex ratios at birth. Again and again, they’ve found that the odds stay pretty close to 50:50, regardless of when intercourse happens.

So why doesn’t the theory work in practice? For starters, X and Y chromosome carrying sperm aren’t as different as the method suggests. Under real world conditions inside the reproductive tract, they don’t consistently behave in ways that would allow timing alone to tip the scales. Add in how unpredictable ovulation timing can be, even with tracking, and any supposed advantage quickly disappears.

That doesn’t mean people are lying when they say the Shettles method worked for them. With odds that are already close to even, someone will always feel like they cracked the code. Science just tells us that those outcomes are coincidence, not proof.

If you’re drawn to the method because it gives structure or a sense of agency, that’s understandable. Just know that according to decades of research, there’s no reliable evidence that it actually changes your chances.

Shettles method accuracy and success rate

When it comes to accuracy, here’s the honest truth. The Shettles method doesn’t have a proven success rate beyond what already exists naturally. That means about a 50:50 chance, just like any other unassisted pregnancy.

No matter how carefully you time intercourse, track ovulation, or follow charts to the letter, science hasn’t shown that these steps reliably tip the odds in one direction. Every time sperm meets egg, the outcome is still essentially a coin flip.

So why do so many people swear it worked for them? A big reason is confirmation bias. We’re much more likely to remember and share stories where the outcome matched our hopes, especially when we followed a plan closely. If someone uses the method and gets the sex they wanted, it feels meaningful. If they don’t, they’re less likely to post a TikTok or comment about it in a forum.

That’s also why testimonials aren’t the same as evidence. Personal stories are powerful and real, but they don’t account for chance, sample size, or all the people for whom the method didn’t “work.” Without controlled studies comparing large groups, those anecdotes can’t tell us whether the method actually caused the outcome.

It’s completely human to look for patterns and meaning, especially when you’re trying to feel more in control of conception. Just know that from a scientific standpoint, the Shettles method hasn’t been shown to improve your odds beyond what biology already sets in motion.

The science behind sperm: Why Shettles method doesn't hold up

The Shettles method hinges on the idea that sperm behave very differently depending on whether they carry an X or Y chromosome. Faster swimmers versus slower ones. Fragile versus hardy. But when scientists actually look at sperm under modern conditions, that neat divide doesn’t really exist.

Regardless of what TikTok creators say, here’s what Dr. Tanouye has to share about the theory behind the Shettles method. “There are many studies that prove that sperm carrying X vs Y chromosomes are identical in every way except for the X or Y DNA,” she says.

In real life, X and Y sperm don’t consistently differ in size, speed, or lifespan in a way that would meaningfully affect conception. Any tiny variations seen in lab settings don’t translate to predictable outcomes inside the body. Once ejaculation happens, millions of sperm are moving at once through a complex environment influenced by cervical mucus, uterine contractions, immune responses, and pure chance.

Modern reproductive science also shows that conception is far less controllable than the Shettles method suggests. Ovulation timing can vary from cycle to cycle, even in people who track closely. Sperm can survive for several days. Eggs live for a short window. And fertilization depends on a long chain of events that timing alone can’t reliably control.

That’s why the size, speed, and survivability theories fall apart under scrutiny. They oversimplify a process that’s biologically messy and incredibly nuanced. When large studies look at outcomes across many pregnancies, the sex ratio stays remarkably consistent, no matter when intercourse happens.

The takeaway here isn’t that people are silly for wanting patterns or explanations. It’s that our current understanding of sperm and conception doesn’t support the idea that timing alone can sway the outcome. Biology just isn’t that obedient.

Does gender swaying actually work? Other methods

“There is no proven way to alter your chances in either direction,” says Dr. Tanouye.

That includes the Shettles method and the many alternatives you’ll see mentioned online. The Whelan method focuses on different timing rules. Diet based approaches claim certain foods can influence vaginal pH. Other theories bring in moon phases, supplements, or very specific sex positions. They all have one thing in common. None of them are backed by solid scientific evidence.

Of course, some people will swear that they had luck with the method, but is that really the method at work or simply the fact that with every baby you have, you have a 50% chance of getting a certain sex? Clearly, the latter plays a large role. When millions of people try something with coin flip odds, plenty of success stories are bound to pop up.

At this point in time, there’s really only one way to know an embryo’s biological sex before pregnancy begins. Yes, going through IVF and having embryos genetically tested allows you to know an embryo’s sex before implantation. Even then, as people who’ve been through IVF will tell you, it’s not as simple as “choosing the baby’s sex.” There are medical, ethical, financial, and emotional layers involved, and not everyone has access to or interest in that path.

With that being said, when trying to conceive “on your own” or “the old-fashioned way”? There’s no way to shift your odds of having a baby boy or baby girl. As always, it’s essentially a 50 50 chance. Wanting certainty is human, but biology doesn’t offer shortcuts here.

The Whelan method

The Whelan method is another gender swaying theory you’ll see mentioned alongside Shettles, especially in forums and TikTok comment sections. It also focuses on timing intercourse around ovulation, but the recommendations are almost the opposite.

According to this approach, having sex earlier in the fertile window is thought to increase the chances of conceiving a boy, while intercourse closer to ovulation is believed to favor conceiving a girl. That alone should raise an eyebrow, since it directly contradicts the timing logic used by the Shettles method.

The Whelan method is based on the idea that hormonal shifts earlier in the cycle may favor Y chromosome carrying sperm, while changes closer to ovulation may favor X chromosome carrying sperm. Like other swaying theories, it relies on assumptions about sperm behavior and the reproductive environment that sound plausible on the surface but haven’t held up under scientific testing.

And that’s the key issue. There’s no strong, peer reviewed evidence showing that following the Whelan method actually changes sex outcomes at birth. When larger studies look at real world conception patterns, the sex ratio stays right where biology keeps it, regardless of timing strategies.

So while the Whelan method might feel like a fresh alternative if Shettles didn’t resonate with you, it falls into the same category. Interesting theory, confident claims, but no reliable proof that it works.

Why the Shettles method is trending on TikTok

The Shettles method didn’t suddenly become new. TikTok just gave it a megaphone.

Social media is especially good at reviving old ideas and making them feel urgent, personal, and proven. On TikTok, people aren’t just explaining the method. They’re documenting their cycles, sharing ovulation predictions, posting pregnancy test updates, and celebrating outcomes in real time. That kind of storytelling is compelling, especially if you’re already deep in the trying to conceive mindset.

There’s also a strong testimonial culture on the platform. Videos framed as “this worked for me” spread fast, even though personal stories aren’t the same thing as evidence. They don’t show how many people tried the method without getting the result they hoped for, and they don’t account for chance. When the odds are already 50:50, some stories are always going to look like proof.

The appeal goes deeper than virality, though. Trying to conceive can feel incredibly unpredictable. The Shettles method offers structure, rules, and a sense of control over something that usually doesn’t cooperate. That promise is powerful, even when it’s not scientifically supported.

This one is tricky, as the Shettles method was created and endorsed by a doctor, but ultimately, there’s a lot of content regarding this method that falls under that Internet misinformation umbrella, according to Dr. Tanouye.

Of course, when you’re trying to conceive, you already have so much to think about, from potentially changing your diet to avoiding certain medications to understanding your cycle patterns. Consider the Shettles method something you can just leave out of your mental load.

The problem with gender swaying misinformation

Trying to conceive already comes with a heavy mental load. You’re tracking cycles, noticing symptoms, making lifestyle changes, and managing hope and disappointment all at once. Gender swaying misinformation piles even more pressure onto an experience that’s already emotionally demanding.

One of the biggest issues is the illusion of control. When content suggests you can influence your baby’s sex if you just time things perfectly, it quietly shifts responsibility onto you. If the outcome doesn’t match what you hoped for, it can feel like you did something wrong or missed your chance. That kind of thinking isn’t just inaccurate. It’s emotionally unfair.

“Misinformation on social media, in general, runs rampant and can be harmful in many ways,” says Dr. Tanouye. “Fertility and trying to conceive can be a very stressful time for some people, and this is just one way to add to that stress. Making someone believe they can influence the sex assigned at the birth of their child or that they could have but didn’t are really just ways to induce stress and guilt over something we have no control over.”

Gender swaying content also sets unrealistic expectations. It frames conception as something that can be optimized and managed down to the smallest detail, when in reality, much of it is outside anyone’s control. When expectations don’t align with biology, disappointment hits harder and lingers longer.

Internet fueled misinformation is a dangerous thing. That said, someone seeing content about the Shettles method and trying to implement it is probably not doing any real harm to their body. As far as internet myths go, this one carries relatively low stakes. But ultimately, it’s not worth your mental energy, because it isn’t grounded in fact.

Letting go of these myths doesn’t mean letting go of hope. It means protecting your emotional wellbeing and focusing on what actually supports you through the trying to conceive process.

The mental health impact of gender disappointment

Gender disappointment is real, and it’s more common than people like to admit. Feeling sad, conflicted, or even grieving when a baby’s sex doesn’t match what you imagined doesn’t make you ungrateful or a bad parent. It makes you human.

These feelings often show up when expectations meet reality head on. Maybe you pictured a certain family dynamic. Maybe you tied that vision to healing from your own childhood, cultural pressures, or hopes you’ve carried for years. When that picture changes, it can bring up complicated emotions that catch people off guard, especially when everyone around you expects pure joy.

It’s also important to know that gender disappointment doesn’t cancel out love. Many parents find that once their baby arrives, those feelings soften or disappear entirely. For others, it takes time. Both experiences are valid. What matters is giving yourself permission to feel what you feel without shame or self judgment.

Processing these emotions can look different for everyone. Talking it through with a therapist, counselor, or trusted support group can help you unpack where the disappointment is coming from and how to move forward gently. Journaling, naming the loss of the imagined future, and separating biological sex from who your child will actually become can also be grounding steps.

If gender disappointment feels overwhelming, persistent, or tangled up with anxiety or depression, reaching out for professional support is especially important. You don’t have to carry it alone, and you don’t have to rush yourself into feeling a certain way. Making space for honesty now can protect your mental health and help you step into parenthood with more compassion for yourself.

What you can actually control when trying to conceive

When you’re trying to conceive, it’s tempting to focus on anything that promises certainty. But the most supportive shift you can make is moving your energy toward what actually helps your chances of getting pregnant, not trying to micromanage outcomes you can’t control.

One of the most useful places to start is understanding your cycle. Knowing when you typically ovulate, how long your luteal phase is, and what’s normal for your body can help you time sex during your fertile window for conception itself. That timing matters for getting pregnant, even though it doesn’t influence a baby’s sex.

Taking a prenatal vitamin consistently is another evidence backed step that often gets overlooked. Folic acid, iron, iodine, and other key nutrients support early pregnancy development and help prepare your body before conception happens. Pairing that with general health optimization, like managing chronic conditions, prioritizing sleep, and fueling yourself with enough food, sets a stronger foundation overall.

When it comes to sex, the goal is simple. Regular intercourse during your fertile window gives sperm the best chance of meeting an egg. That’s it. You don’t need complicated rules or rigid schedules beyond that, especially if they add stress or pressure.

It’s also important to know when to seek extra support. If you’ve been trying for 12 months under 35, or 6 months if you’re 35 or older, talking with a healthcare provider or fertility specialist can help you get answers and next steps sooner rather than later. Support isn’t a failure. It’s a resource.

And finally, it’s okay to leave gender swaying out of your mental load entirely. Letting go of theories that aren’t grounded in evidence can free up emotional space for what actually matters. Caring for your body, understanding your cycle, and getting support when you need it are far more powerful than any timing trick.

What to take away about the Shettles method

After digging into the history, theories, and science, the takeaway is pretty clear. The Shettles method doesn’t have scientific backing, and neither do other natural gender swaying approaches. No matter how carefully you time intercourse or follow charts, your odds of having a baby boy or baby girl remain about 50:50.

That doesn’t mean wanting a certain outcome is wrong. Many people carry hopes, visions, or deeply personal reasons for imagining a specific family dynamic. Those feelings are real and valid. What matters is separating those feelings from claims that suggest you can control something biology doesn’t actually allow.

Right now, the only way to know an embryo’s biological sex before pregnancy is through IVF with genetic testing. Even then, it’s not a simple or accessible option for everyone, and it comes with medical, emotional, and ethical considerations that go far beyond sex selection alone.

It’s also important to keep language clear. Gender swaying methods focus on biological sex, not gender identity. A child’s gender is personal, evolving, and not something chromosomes can predict.

If you’re trying to conceive, your energy is far better spent on things that actually support fertility. Understanding your cycle, taking prenatal vitamins, having sex during your fertile window, and knowing when to seek medical support all have real evidence behind them. Letting go of unproven methods can lighten your mental load and protect your emotional wellbeing.

You don’t need to optimize every detail to be doing enough. Sometimes the most supportive choice is choosing facts over false control, and giving yourself permission to focus on what truly matters as you build your family.