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As you research how to navigate IVF as an LGBTQIA+ couple, you’ll come across some key differences. The IVF journey itself still has its expected touchstones — like medications, doctor’s appointments, and costs — what is unique is how and who navigates each part.
“The biggest difference for LBGTQIA+ couples is that they need to include a third party in the process,” explains Dr. Sydney Chang of CCRM Fertility. “For same sex female couples, this is a sperm donor. For same sex male couples, this requires both an egg donor and a gestational carrier. The couples must decide whose gamete to use with the donor gamete, and same sex female couples also need to decide who will carry the pregnancy.”
What to know about IVF for LGBTQIA+ couples
Below are a few things you can keep at the top of your mind when navigating your trying-to-conceive journey so that you’re as prepared for IVF as possible.
Have a clear understanding of everyone’s roles
First things first, as Dr. Chang notes, you want to establish clear marching orders and boundaries. Doing this will help you avoid asking important questions like “Who is going to carry our baby?” in the more stressful days before implantation.
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As Dr. Chang notes, taking the time to designate roles and responsibilities for each TTC team member beforehand means avoiding unnecessary stress and having a deeper understanding of what your IVF journey will entail. The more you know, the more you can prepare for it! For instance, Dr. Chang explains that couples who choose to “co-IVF” will find a lot of comfort in having more time to prepare since one partner’s egg donation steps will differ from the other partner’s steps when carrying a pregnancy.
Look to your clinic for guidance
Your job is to understand what you want from your TTC journey, and this doesn’t include instinctually knowing the right questions to ask or the perfect resources to turn to. You want to partner with a fertility clinic and team that helps support you every step of the way.
For instance, at CCRM Fertility, each patient turns to their designated fertility team for support, including mental health support.
Dr. Chang explains: “We have all of our couples undergoing 3rd party reproduction undergo a consultation with a reproductive psychologist to discuss the unique issues and challenges that come with using donor gametes (e.g. how to disclose to children in the future). These individuals can serve as a great resource for couples who would like additional mental health support.”
Know who you need to have in your corner
If this is your first time navigating IVF as an LGBTQIA+ couple, it’s normal not to be familiar with what doctors need to tap into your IVF journey or when. Dr. Chang walked us through exactly who some of these individuals should be.
For individuals, your starting team will include a reproductive endocrinologist and infertility specialist (REI) and a primary care doctor. For anyone planning to contribute eggs during their IVF cycle or carry a pregnancy, you will also need to add an OB/GYN doctor to your care team. For anyone who is contributing sperm, a urologist should be a part of your care team, too.
No matter their specialty, you want to feel comfortable with and trusting of all the doctors who will help guide you through your IVF journey.
Be gentle with yourself about moving timelines
As with any Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART), IVF is an investment of time, money, and energy. Since LGBTQIA+ couples typically need to include a third party in their TTC journey, it could also mean that you’re waiting longer than average for your family to grow.
Some of those varying factors include using fresh or frozen eggs or sperm, for instance, since egg and sperm availability and genetic compatibility can shift timelines.
As you navigate your journey to parenthood, remind yourself to be gentle and caring because you’re giving it your all and then some.